Posted on Sunday, July 28, 2013

Another Wedding Planning Post…7 Lessons I Have Learned So Far…(AKA For Colored Brides Who Have Considered Suicide Or a Justice of the Peace When Wedding Planning Became Too Much)

Hello World,

Wedding planning is going to be the death of me…Well, I hope not…But I feel like that sometimes…So far I have only written two posts about wedding planning since R. and I got engaged in December 2012…

One of the pics from our engagement photos…It captures how I have felt for the most part as I have been wedding planning…I’m wearing our wedding colors fuchsia and orange…

“The Wedding Industry Heist aka maybe I should I go in the wedding planning business”

and

“Planning & Stressing…”

I think I have demonstrated incredible restraint in only writing two posts because trust me I could written a lot more posts on wedding planning based on just my topsy-turvy emotions alone…I have cried…I have stayed up all night wedding planning energized by excitement not by coffee…I have cursed people to the depths of hell and lifted them up in prayer..It’s quite funny actually, but I’m not laughing…Hopefully, I will be able to laugh when it’s all over…On the other hand, as a writer, I’m a lifelong student of life, and I have learned so very much which I hope will provide inspiration for future blog posts, essays and maybe even books…

This morning as I wrote this post, I am perturbed about yet another issue which I am not at liberty to expound upon right now, but trust I will tell more later…however, for current and future brides, here are a few lessons I have learned thus far…And I still have about a couple of weeks to go, so pray for me if I happen to cross your mind…So here goes…

1. Revel in your wedding planning and don’t let anyone (even your non-planning fiance’) steal your wedding planning joy…I know that many women began wedding planning when they were little girls after reading Cinderella and similar fairy tales. I was not one of them…After reading Cinderella and other childhood stories, I began wondering how I could weave together such wonderful stories so I dreamed about being an author and journalist…(And God allowed those dreams to come true…THANK YOU GOD) So I came to this process completely unaware of any latent desires about a wedding…In fact, when I had thought about my wedding day in years past, I pictured a simple ceremony on some faraway beach with just a few people…no fuss and no muss…But as I started planning, I realized that I wanted to have a big ole party in the city that helped raise me…I love Atlanta, and I wanted it to be a big part of the Big Day…Also, I realized that I wanted to be a real bride and look like one…expensive dress and all…I think my fiance’ is surprised about how much time and energy I have devoted to wedding planning…In some ways, it has felt like when I was planning for my book release…I guess I just love projects and this has become one…

2. Have a budget…Now I know I just said revel in wedding planning and talked about my expensive wedding dress and having a big ole party…but I have had a budget since the beginning and have been meticulous in sticking to my budget and keeping track of every penny spent…I just don’t get people who think it’s okay to owe for a wedding after the wedding date has passed…I recommend planning according to the funds you have available so that means you have to prioritize…For instance, my wedding shoes cost less than $20 with shipping and handling…I reasoned that no one will be able to see my shoes anyway because my wedding dress which cost almost a grand (including the price of alterations) will cover them…Now for some people a $1,000 wedding dress is not a big deal, but I for me, it was a whopper..In fact, when the lady at the bridal store told me how my dress cost, I started crying…I’m not kidding…I had to rush out of the store I was so embarrassed…On the other hand, you have to realize that in some cases, you get what you pay for…I bought a $10 wedding veil, and I realized after receiving it the mail that it just wouldn’t do…

3. Internet Surf…God bless the creators of the Internet…It has been an invaluable source of information as I have dreamed about our wedding day…You can pilfer ideas from brides from everywhere…I have been inspired by and learned from what I have seen on Black Bridal Bliss, the Just Engaged and Bridal Bliss sections of Essence.com, and The Bride’s Cafe just to name a few…I have read forums about everything from shady vendors to wedding ring comparisons on The Knot and Wedding Wire…I wonder what brides did before these online resources…

4. RESEARCH, RESEARCH & MORE RESEARCH…Before you hire vendors please research them online…start with the Better Business Bureau, then check out the various wedding forums, hit their Facebook and Twitter accounts and then just a regular ole Google search…Read reviews (I plan on reviewing all of our vendors after the wedding)…trust your intuition but back it up with good old-fashioned recommendations…We work too hard for our money to give it away to unscrupulous people who want to capitalize on our sometimes unstable emotional state as brides…

5. Life is too short to work with someone you don’t like or who doesn’t like you…I learned this lesson in a home-buying seminar years ago as I prepared to buy my home…In this world, you will inevitably not like someone and vice versa…There may be nothing wrong with that person just like there is nothing wrong with you…Don’t beat yourself up about it…If you find yourself bending over backward to be nice to someone and that person continues to act irritated with you despite your efforts to be nice, just move on…(the same principle can be applied in dating too)…Even if that person is a good business person so what, there are too many others out there to work with…work with someone that you like that likes you back…I’m not saying it has to be a love fest, but you will have to be in close contact with various vendors over the course of several months so being comfortable with your vendors is absolutely necessary…

6. Remember to include your fiance’…This lesson should be a no brainer, but I have forgotten sometimes…My fiance’ is pretty busy right now…He is trying to launch a new career and is in school and he is working as well so that has left a lot of time to be alone with my thoughts…So sometimes I have forgotten to ask his opinion about various things…and as it turns out, he does have some opinions about some aspects of the wedding although he is a manly type of dude and doesn’t get into the frou frou stuff…He has had strong opinions about the wedding guests, who is allowed to sing at the ceremony and how vendors treat us…We walked out the first tux store we went to because he felt that they took too long to acknowledge our presence…

7. None of this means nothing if you are not planning your marriage too…The first thing I did as I started planning our wedding was researching counselors, ministers, pastors, etc. for premarital counseling…I think it’s ludicrous to plan a wedding, which lasts for one day, and not plan for the days afterward which could drag on forever in a bad way if you failed to plan…If you fail to plan, you plan to fail as they say…Also, I have started reading “Wedding Cake for Breakfast: Essays on the Unforgettable First Year of Marriage” edited by Kim Perel and Wendy Sherman…I have heard the first year is what you have to go through to actually being married happily ever after so I want to be ready…

I have learned more lessons as well but these lessons, I think, are most critical to grasp…Also, I ran across this video yesterday…This young woman’s father is suffering from pancreatic cancer…Although she is not a bride yet and is not even dating anyone, she fantasized about her wedding dance with her father and decided to create that experience in case years from now, her father is not there…I’m a pretty emotional person anyway, but I think even the most stoic will shed a tear after watching this…To read the full story, go to ABC News.

Any thoughts?

Posted on Sunday, July 21, 2013

Where is Your Relationship With God? A checklist…

Hello World,

I could discuss a million hot topics this morning from the royal baby watch to the “Justice for Trayvon” rallies in 100 cities across the U.S. But as a Christian blogger, sometimes I just have to get back to the basics…None of what happens in this world is more important than a personal relationship with God….In fact, it was so important to me, I wrote “After the “Altar Call: The Sisters’ Guide to Developing a Personal Relationship With God” because without a personal relationship with God, this life is meaningless…So I decided to compile a checklist to that will help me and you determine if our personal relationship with God is getting stronger and stronger or slowly dying or nonexistent….First of all, I have to assume that you have decided to make Jesus Christ your personal Lord and Savior…If you haven’t, the rest of this post doesn’t apply until you have made that crucial decision…and now, on to my list…

How many times this week have you set aside time to spend with God in prayer and devotion without interruption? I must admit that as I have not spent as much time with God lately as I have been planning my wedding…I have rationalized it to myself saying God understands…But the truth is, God is a jealous God and He insists on coming first no matter what the circumstance…
How often do you pause to ask God’s opinion on various matters before declaring your own? As a person with an opinion on just about anything, I often have to remind myself that my opinion is not necessarily God’s opinion…Spending time with God (as I stated above) brings my opinion in line with God’s opinion…
How often do you hear God’s guidance from the smallest of issues to the biggest of issues? I am so comfortable in my relationship with God that I feel free to ask Him about even the smallest issues in my life…It is commonplace to seek God’s guidance when facing significant issues, but most relationships are defined by the little things that happen everyday… For example, I am a discount diva but sometimes I can take it too far…I bought a $10 wedding veil online and when I received it, it looked every bit of $10 so I knew I had to get another veil…Through my relationship with God, I felt led to travel to a specific store across town where I found the perfect veil for nearly the exact amount that I designated to spend on it…In fact, I designated $65 for it, and I spent $64.19…And because I have dreadlocks, I cannot put a comb in my hair which becomes an issue when shopping for wedding veils which are typically attached to combs…A lady at the store had a wire cutter in the back and was able to remove the comb and sell it to me…No this is not world peace, but in my relationship with God, I can seek His guidance on anything…
When the last time you praised God for just being God and not asked Him about anything or for anything? As you know, there is a time for everything…While God encourages us to come to Him with all sorts of requests, there is a time when we have set ourselves aside and just praise Him for being Him…There is nothing greater than feeling the presence of God…When I praise Him, I feel His presence…It often moves me to tears and don’t let me be in my bedroom, sometimes I have to leap in the air…As the song says, there is nobody greater…
When was the last time you sacrificed for God? As Jesus Christ paid the ultimate price of sacrificing His life so that we can a right relationship with God, we are called to sacrifice from time to time…Sometimes God may have lead you to sacrifice money that you designated for one cause and give it to something else…Sometimes God may lead you to sacrifice time in His service…Since I will be getting married soon, I know there will be some sacrifice involved…On a side note, I’m grateful for the armed forces of this country that so sacrifice so much from time with their families to their very lives for our freedom…
When was the last time you did something for the “least of these?” God said in Matthew 25:40 that “whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.” On the face of this verse, it seems like God is instructing us to care for the poor because they have the least monetary resources…But what about the “least of these” when it comes to other resources? I’m going to tell you a secret…Sometimes, I can be a bit of a snob…Growing up, I was in the “B” or “C” crowd, but I aspired to be in the “A” crowd…As an adult, none of that foolishness really matters anymore except I still often find myself wanting to gravitate to the “cool kids” whether they are the people who are the most well known in my profession to the more affluent people in my social groups…But God wants me to treat everyone the same…So I have to make an effort sometimes to be kind to the people I find socially awkward or people that aren’t upwardly mobile…
How often do you step out on faith? In Hebrew 11:6, we are told that “without faith it is impossible to please God?” How often do you make decisions that may not make sense to those around you but make sense to you according to your relationship with God? Some years back, I wanted to know more about money and have more money, I decided to give more than my tithe on faith that God would bless me…About a year or so later, I met a financial coach who taught me how to manage the money I already had AND more money came my way…that is just one example…holla at me at jacqueline@afterthealtarcall.com if you need more examples..

So where is relationship with God? This song is my on my heart this morning…”Nobody Greater” by Vashawn Mitchell?

Any thoughts?

Posted on Tuesday, June 25, 2013

New Book Alert – “Scorched” by Ashea S. Goldson

Hello World,

As an author, I love to help my author friends promote their new works! Today is the release day for Ashea S. Goldson’s new book “Scorched.” Below is a description of her latest work…

Nila still remembers the fire that claimed her husband’s life. Being a widow and single mother is hard enough but being accused of her husband’s murder still burns. Unable to complete her education in the US, the beautiful young Nila is propelled into a life of bar dancing back home in India. When she runs into Malcolm, a handsome, womanizing, and ambitious old acquaintance from her college days, a friendship emerges, and she is confronted with dreams that had been buried for years.

For the first time since her arranged marriage, and since the fire that changed her life, Nila is drawn into a journey of self-discovery. Forced to face their own demons, both Malcolm and Nila are thrown into a war of good versus evil as Nila’s mother in law is determined to have her incarcerated for murdering her son. Not having an easy life thus far, Nila feels like she has already been in a fiery furnace, while Malcolm feels torn about jeopardizing his nearly perfect future and fortune with her problems.

Ashea S. Goldson

When a rich American runway model attempts to steal Malcolm’s heart, Nila begins to re-evaluate her relationship with Malcolm.When the heat is turned up, will Nila trust the foreign faith she has grown to know? Will Malcolm and Nila be able to overcome their conflicting cultures and ambitions to finally find real love, the kind that only comes from God?