Category Archives: Sex and the City

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Book Notes#3 – On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating

Blane Bachelor, her book and me...

Hello World!

I hope you are wrapping up your summer in a fabulous way! I am – hence my lack of posts over the last week or so…I’ve been traveling…but my writing schedule will be back to normal in September…

However, I have found the time to write a book review on one of my fave – if not my fave – topics: relationships…A writer friend of mine Blane Bachelor recently held a book release party to celebrate the release of her first book On Being a Bachelor: Thoughts on Dating, Mating and Relating. (With a name last name like Bachelor, she was destined to write on the topic of relationships!) I went to the party and bought a book…After reading the book, I decided that I should review it right here…Disclaimer: Unlike the other books I have reviewed on this blog, this book is in no way religious or spiritual; however, everybody can relate to the topic of dating, mating and relating…

Okay, just a little background on Blane…Her book was inspired by and based on “Ask a Bachelor, “ her advice column for the Sunday Paper published right here in the A…The column was originally named “On Being a Bachelor” and included thoughts about her dating adventures in the A, but serendipitously, shortly after committing to write about her lack of a commitment, she found herself in a committed relationship…And so the column was reworked into an advice column…Wonder of wonders…

And now that I have introduced you to Blane, let’s get into her book…First of all, let me give a sampling of some of the chapter titles: Sex in the City, Becoming Carrie Bradshaw, The Hickey Dilemma, Skeletons and Dates in the Closet, The Slow Burn…hmmm, sounds interesting,  huh?

I think what I like most about the book is that it highlights dating in the A….As a dyed-in-the-wool single woman in the A, I know about dating in my fair city…but I am always interested in other perspectives and experiences…

From the chapter The Dangers of Dating a Metrosexual –

“About a week later, as we wove through the sea of blankets at Screen on the Green, I prayed we wouldn’t run into any of my friends, who would never let me forget that my date was wearing gray flat-front dress pants, a tight baby-blue T-shirt and a wide Nike wristband. On his elbow.

Raise your hands if you have gone out with a metrosexual (metrosexual: young straight stylish urban man: a young, straight, sensitive urban man who is unashamed to enjoy good clothes, stylish living, the art of decorating, and improving his personal appearance. This definition is from MSN Encarta.)! It’s a bit unnerving to date a metrosexual…I guess because I am not always on point when it comes to my own presentation…I forever pick at my fingernails and so my hands tend to look jacked up more than I would like to admit…I probably wear clothes much longer than I should because I’m frugal and don’t like spending money on them if I can help it…I know, it sounds so anti-girly, huh? I remember one fashionable guy I dated just blurted out once, “I think you are trying to be unsexy!”  He even brought a clothing catalog on one our dates to help me pick out some clothes that would look good on me…wow, huh? But back to Blane’s book…

Toward the middle of the book, Blane delves into her relationship with then boyfriend, now fiance’, C. I particularly like the chapter The Slow Burn…In this chapter, she describes her willingness to let their relationship develop although she was feeling less than fireworks at the beginning of their relationship…

“This gray was a departure of sorts for me. For a long time, I had always fancied myself a romantic, claiming I would never settle for anything less than all-out, can’t-keep-my-hands-off-you passion. And if those fireworks weren’t flying from the start like of a Fourth of July extravaganza, I simply wasn’t interested…So I still can’t explain why I didn’t close the lid early on whatever was bubbling between C. and me. Perhaps it was the simple fact that I felt the admittedly pathetic need to be validated after getting kicked to the curb. “

By the close of the chapter, she noticed that her relationship with C. finally heated up which explains the title of the chapter, obviously. Sooo, are you the type that has to be head-over-heals at the start of a relationship or are you content to let things simmer a while before getting hot? I have always favored head-over-heels attraction but I must admit this has not been the best practice for me…It has caused me to date some guys that were clearly unsuitable because they gave me the jollies…On the other hand, should one go out with a man if there isn’t any spark at all? What do you think?

Blane also delves into another phenomenon I’ve noticed in  dating/mating/relating – the inevitable weight gain of a happy couple….From the chapter Seriously Weighty Relationship Issues…

“A few months into being coupled up, I go from foxy to fatty. I am certainly not alone. Just looking at many of the people I know who are in relationships, I can see fuller faces, pudgier waistlines, more rotund rumps.”

Blane is speaking the truth! I first noticed this peculiarity in college…There was this resident advisor on my hall that gained a lot of weight as she was dating this guy who also lived in our dorm…I don’t know is she was cooking for him in our rustic dorm kitchens or if they were feeding each other at restaurants all over Athens, but this girl put on a considerable amount of weight…And then shortly after I stopped seeing him go into her dorm room at all hours of the day and night, she became her former stick-thin self…I pray that doesn’t happen to me…I have to maintain my sexy as my friend U. likes to say!

For more fun tidbits from Blane book’s, you need to buy it and read it for herself? So do you have any juicy tales from dating in the A that would make a great book or at least a great comment on my blog? Let me know…

Any thoughts?

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Sex and the City 2: The Review…

Hello World!!!

Okay, okay, okay…now that the girls’ movie of the year has been out for just over two weeks, I thought it would appropriate to discuss the  movie at length…First of all, did you like it? Was it better than the first movie? Did it leave you wanting more?

My answers are: Yes, Yes and Maybe…

I’m afraid when it comes to Carrie and the girls, I will always be a HUGE fan…the writers of the “Sex and City” institution would have to do a lot to lose me…As I read or heard somewhere, “Sex and the City” is a love letter to singlehood…And anyone who has been out in the dating game for a while knows that single girls like myself need a good love letter every now and then…soo I LOVED the movie…

And I enjoyed it more than the first movie…Why? Well, first of all, let me state this:  some of the quirkiness, irony and overall rhythm of the HBO television series simply can not be duplicated on the big screen…I did not realize this when I saw the first  movie and so I kept pondering what was missing…Once I realized that I could not expect exactly what I saw in the television series, I could relax and let the story unfold…And so for that reason first of all, I enjoyed the second installment of the movie more than the first…

Now aside from that, I enjoyed the overall plot more anyway…let’s face it…many of my friends (like Carrie and the girls)  and I have been single for a looong while and once we finally tie the knot, I’m sure we will ponder just what being married really means for us…This notion was  the theme of the second movie. I was never one of those women who wanted to get married in my ’20s…for better or worse, I wanted and had to explore this world solo a little bit before committing to the institution of marriage…And I also affirm that part of the reason that I have been single for so long is because I have wanted to be…And for anyone that has treasured singlehood, I would guess that it would be difficult to surrender that individuality, freedom and let’s face it: excitement that you feel when you always have the chance of meeting your next great love…

Carrie finally landed Big after years of practically chasing down this classically emotionally unavailable man around the NYC…And now the two have been Mr. & Mrs. Big for roughly two years…You would think she would be satisfied as she finally has the man and career of her dreams…but as any dyed-in-the-wool single girl has realized years ago, “familiarity breeds contempt…” Carrie has gotten somewhat bored…her husband is no longer the single suitor that shows up outside of her window in his black limo ready to whisk her away on a romantic night on the town…instead, he has become the predicatable husband that would prefer ordering in every night and watching black and white movies on television…(Actually, that sounds great to me, but let’s keep the focus on the heroine of the movie…)

In fact, Carrie is so shaken up by Big’s predictability, she escapes to her single girl apartment that she still owns to write and ponder her marriage…Question: Should every woman retain ownership of her bachelorette pad for occasions such as these? After a couple of days or so go by, her husband shows up outside her window as he did when they were single to whisk her away for a romantic night on the town…they are pleasantly surprised to discover how much excitement they have for one another after a few days away from each other…And to Carrie’s surprise, Big suggests that they take a two-day vacation away from each other every other week…And since Carrie is all about defining new roles, even in marriage, she considers his proposition while secretly scared their marriage may be deteriorating…

And true to form, Carrie MUST discuss all of this when she and the girls head to Abu Dhabi (actually Morroco) for much needed girl time…Question: Even after marriage, should girls regularly schedule a trip just for the girls? The all- expenses- paid trip is a gift from one of Samantha’s potential new clients…(Read NG – you know who you are, I need for you to hook up a similar trip…’K, thanks 🙂 )  What a better place to ponder gender roles and the institution of marriage than in the Middle East…For the purposes of brevity, I won’t get into much of what happened with Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha…but I will attempt to wrap it up here…Charlotte, who dreamed about about being a mother for years, discovers that motherhood, while incredibly rewarding,  is just plain hard… Miranda, who encourages Charlotte to confess and affirm her ambiguous feelings about motherhood, realizes that she can define her career on her own instead of bowing down at the chauvinistic law firm she works for…Samantha, a lovable sex fiend, realizes that her sexuality, while shocking stateside,  is downright criminal in the Middle East….

But back to Carrie…Inevitably, while in Abu Dhabi, she draws The Test to her…everyone should know what the Test is by now…I believe that whenever we are considering making a decision that could change the trajectory of our life usually for the better, we attract the very thing that threatens to take us off course…I first read about this in the The Artist’s Way…I could give a dramatic example of this us…but let me offer a more harmless example…Trying to lose weight, you make a huge salad with just the right amount of broccoli and other veggies and just as you sit down to eat it, your girl calls up and invites you out for coffee and desert…oh the temptation…

And so in the middle of Abu Dhabi of all places, Carrie bumps into Aidan – the other man who swept her off of her feet…(And some of us feel that she should have choosen Aidan over Big anyway…) Feeling somewhat unsure of her relationship with Big, she goes out to dinner with Aidan…Question: Is it okay to go out to dinner with a former love under any circumstances once you are married? One woman told me she felt it was okay since they ran into each other across the world from where they met…

True to her drama-creating form, Carrie allows herself to be kissed by Aidan…and truth be told, she sets up the stage for such a kiss when she wears a skirt with a slit that nearly reaches her waist…Once she actually kisses him though, she instantly feels remorse and remembers what it was like when she was single and all she wanted was Big’s commitment…and of course, all’s well that ends well…Carrie and Big have a heart-to-heart discussion about their marriage that ends with Carrie wearing a huge black diamond ring that while it symbolizes her marriage to Big also demonstrates her individuality…

So what did you think about the movie…

Any thoughts?

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And the countdown continues…Yippee, one more day til ‘Sex and the City 2!!!”

(Liza Minnelli is singing her rendition of “Single Ladies(Put a Ring on It)” in the movie…Does Beyonce’ know?)

Hello World!!!

If you couldn’t guess by my title, I am crazy excited that the new “Sex and the City 2” movie is coming out tomorrow!!! My girls will see it over the Memorial Day Weekend…I was telling R last night that it’s like the Superbowl for women…He kinda chuckled and said, “Okay” and turned back to watch the Lakers game…(Kobe is looking kinda skinny to me, but I digress…)

If you read my previous post about the movie or paid any attention to recent press, you have an idea what the movie is about…So in light in that, I thought I would pose this question to y’all. Do you have a “Mr. Big” and an “Aidan” in your life? If you are married, did you marry your “Mr. Big” or “Aidan?”  Why or why not? Any regrets? I’ve had a “Mr. Big” and an “Aidan” in my dating career, but since I’m friends with most of the guys that I’ve dated in the past and some read this blog, I have to decline to describe my versions of these iconic figures…But I will say this…every girl needs a “Mr. Big” and “Aidan.” A “Mr. Big” is the alluring emotionally unavailable man that you almost trust  that wines and dines you but just won’t marry you…An “Aidan” is the very emotionally available, nice, adorable man that is soo crazy about you from jump that you find it hard to believe…

Anywho, I cannot wait…Will you be there?

Any thoughts?