Doubt…

Hello World,

Did you eat your collard greens and black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day? I didn’t.  As far as I know, this is an American custom. I don’t think Jamaicans have a similar New Year’s Day custom – at least it wasn’t that way in my Jamaican household.

So rather than eating collard greens and black-eyed peas on New Year’s Day, I was at the movies. It’s been a long while since I’ve gone to the movies…I love movies, but I haven’t heard of very many movies lately that I’ve wanted to pay my money to see. But I must say I really enjoyed seeing the movie “Doubt.” I had heard about the movie, which stars Meryl Streep and Viola Davis, on NPR and “The View.” First of all, Meryl Streep is a beast, isn’t she? She is probably one of the best actresses of all time….She literally loses herself in every role. I loved her in “The Bridges of Madison County.” (Swoon, swoon) I hated and loved her in the “The Devil Wears Prada.” (She reminded me of my worst boss ever!) And in this movie, she is a tough-talking nun with a Bronx accent!  (And I believed it! She scared me!)  A beast, I tell you!

Also, I want to shout out Viola Davis too! You know I gotta shout out my black actresses! She is a remarkable actress with an equally remarkable story. Davis was the one actually featured on NPR and on “The View.” I really felt her pain as I watched her wide, wild, teary eyes accompanied by runaway snot in the movie.

Potential movie spoiler ahead! The movie is about a 1960s Catholic school in the Bronx that is undergoing “CHANGE” as its first black student has been admitted.  Sister Aloysius Beauvier, portrayed by Streep, is the principal of the school. Her no-nonsense demeanor and pinched face inspire dread and fear from the students to the teachers under her leadership. Her leadership and sensibilities are challenged by Father Flynn, portrayed by Philip Seymour Hoffman (a beast in his own right. Remember him in “Boogie Nights?” ) Flynn, a card-carrying member of the good ole boy priest network, wants to bring about his own CHANGE at the school by injecting secular Christmas carols during the school’s Christmas program, taking the students on camping trips and other practices frowned upon by the Sister.

The two get locked in a battle of wits and will when the Sister suspects, without very much tangible evidence, that Flynn is having an (ahem) inappropriate relationship with the school’s first black student.  However, her relentless pursuit of Flynn along with a little white lie ultimately lead to Flynn resiging from the school. (Actually, in spite of the accusations directed at him, Flynn is put in a higher position at another school.) By the end of the movie, it is never absolutely proven that Flynn is guilty, and the Sister sobs as she admits she has doubts. And she never reveals exactly what she doubts. I think she doubted if Flynn was actually guilty, but I also think she doubted the Catholic church which has had a history of protecting some of its priests while allowing children to be abused by these  same priests.

Anyway, ALL of that to say, was is it that you have doubted in your life? Some believe that if you have never doubted your faith, then you have no real faith at all. Perhaps, the most famous Biblical doubter is Thomas aka Didymus. I remember how my fifth-grade teacher at Pathway Christian School said, “Didymus.” Something about the way he said it made me want to giggle. I think he even dressed up as the apostle once, but I digress…

Thomas said that he didn’t believe that Jesus was resurrected from the dead. “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.” John 20:25  Rather than banish him to Hell or even chide him, Jesus came to Thomas and instructed him to touch His hands and His side to remove his doubt. Of course, Thomas believed then. Jesus said, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

It was revealed in 2007 that Mother Teresa, too, had doubts about God. Read an article about it here.  In spite of her of her God-given call to the poor, she often wondered if God even existed and cared.

So my question is on this first Sunday of 2009 is, do you ever doubt that God exists? How do you know that God is real? Unlike Thomas, none of us alive now have been able to actually touch Jesus, see the nail prints on His hands or put our hands into His side? Faith is “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” But sometimes, don’t you just wish you could see…

Any thoughts?

Hope. Wish.. Pray…

littlegirl2

Hello World!!!

Goodbye 2008! Hello 2009! By tomorrow, another year in the life of you and me will be over…I wonder what’s coming next! For roughly the past 10 years or so, you can find me in church on New Year’s Eve listening for God’s words to me for the upcoming year. I’ve been amazed time and time again how whatever verse or verses the pastor chooses to preach on that night sums of my experiences for the upcoming year. It’s uncanny… I’m excited to find out what I will hear tonight…

But aside from God’s words for me, I have some words for God…I want to know when some of my deepest dreams will come true…I want to believe that some of my dreams will come true this year, but if you have lived for a while now, you know that sometimes dreams are deferred. (Shout out to Langston Hughes!) If you’ve lived long enough, some of your dreams have been shattered. Maybe your husband died of leukemia shortly after you were married. Maybe your mother died of breast cancer. Maybe your father rejected you. Maybe you wrote a book that will never be published. Maybe your wife cheated on you. Maybe someone has broken up with you. Maybe the love of your life left. Maybe no one has asked to marry you. Maybe you never passed the bar. Maybe you have a crazy behind family. Maybe you never intended to be a single baby mama. Maybe you ain’t got that record deal yet. Maybe you’re a raging alcoholic and you’re impossible to deal with. I could go on and on unfortunately…

Goodness, I hate to write such pessimistic prose, but we all know that sometimes life is a b@#%*. So what are we do? For today, I have decided to hope, wish & pray that my dreams will come true…According to the Word, you are “delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 When I first read this verse years ago, I thought it meant that God will give you whatever you want if you serve Him. I know that’s not true now. Now I believe that if you come to know the Lord in an intimate way, He will guide you to your true desires – that is He will give you the desires He has for you. He will guide you to your God-given destiny. So over the years, God has shown me what are my false desires and what are my true desires.(I no longer desire to date a man from every continent, ha,ha, for instance.)  Anyway, two dreams or two desires remain…at least for today. Well, that’s not true. I have more than two dreams, but I am thinking of two in particular…(What dreams do you think I am referring to? Guess?)

I don’t know about your relationship with God, but I let Him know how I feel. And sometimes I say, “Okay God, the answer to this problem is taking too long. I need for You to act right now. I cannot take it anymore.” When I get like this, my face is glistening with tears and I am prostrate on my bedroom floor. And sometimes I throw a tantrum. Yes, I get down and dirty. I take the Lord at His word. According to the Word, you can “cast your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you.” Psalm 55:22. So I’m steady castin’ !

But that’s the beauty of God. If you know Him, love Him and try to serve Him, you can claim His promises. I do. And so with the sliver of belief that I have left that my dreams will come true, I will hope, wish & pray that in 2009, at least one, maybe two will come true…Please God!

Any thoughts?

P.S. The title of this post was inspired by the Hidden Beach artist Lina, who sings the song “Hope, Wish & Pray.” Why she hadn’t blown up yet! Check out the song here. Isn’t it beautiful?

101 Reasons To Be Thankful in 2008

Hello World!

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!!! As you know, tomorrow is the day that we Americans have set aside to give thanks for our many blessings!!!

“Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; Give thanks to Him and praise His name!”

Psalm 100: 4-5

My dad, Dr. Holness, preached on Psalm 100 on Sunday. (Yes dad, I was listening! 🙂 ) I don’t know about you but I am prone to having pity parties every now and then. Usually these parties are prompted by my comparing my insides to someone else’s outsides – it never works! But what does work – what helps me regain my equilibrium – is writing a gratitude list! So in this post, I will simply list 101 things I’m thankful for this year. Why 101? Why not? 🙂 …101 just sounds better than 100 to me anyway.

1. For my Lord and Savior, who is none other than Jesus Christ – my best friend. If you see my mouth moving in car, sometimes I am singing along with a song and sometimes, I am talking with Him!

2. For my Mom and Dad. They have taught me to be a person of character even when it is unpopular. (I am trying to be as service-oriented as they are, but I’ve got a ways to go.)

3. For my brothers D and D. They have brought a lot of joy and pain to my life..as Frankie Beverly so sweetly croons, they are “one in the same.”

4. For my niece and nephew. My 7-year-old nephew’s mischievousness is both maddening and hilarious at the same time! My baby niece is just learning to walk. The wonder of it…

5. My church in the SWATS. I’ve been attending there since I was 6 years old, and I always feel safe when I walk in it’s doors.

6. My church family. You’ve watched me grow up and you still love me!

7. My girl J, who freely opened up her home in North Carolina to me.

8. My health. According to my doctor, the only thing wrong with me, at least physically, is that I have low iron. That’s a blessing for sure!

9. All my girls (you know who you are) who help me navigate this single life.

10. My job! No more needs to be said!

11. My Bible Study class led by our fearless and mouthy Bible warrior!

12. My blog. I love it!

13. My girl Tess, who designed this blog.

14. The cruise I went on in October! Wish I were in the islands now…it’s so cold!!!

15. Turning 35…I still look good!

16. For my home. I can afford it!

17. For my car. I can afford it!

18. For my spiritual community. Y’all have taught me more than I can say…

19. For Barack and Michelle…

20. For this year’s election process, it was heady in every way…I think I have a crush on Anderson Cooper!

21. Black talk radio – it gets me through the day!

22. My cherry red locks…I think they are pretty.

23. All of my extended family, particularly my aunt, who I run with from time to time 🙂

25. The Internet – You are never far from me 🙂

26. RH, my friend who came in at the last minute and designed my church’s Homecoming Service magazine, to my mother’s delight! You saved us!

27. For Beyonce and Jay-Z, who show me that being “equally yoked” is entirely possible. Can y’all say, “mo money, mo money mo money?”

28. For QT – love those taquitos!

29. For U, who doesn’t mind crying with me every now then! Love you girl

30. For my freelance writing opportunities…

31. Books. I couldn’t live without them.

32. My mechanic- See my post on Joe, the mechanic!

33. My girl Renee’s wedding – Your were lovely in your wedding dress! And I hope I get a ring like yours one day. Ballin’!!!

34. “The Young and the Restless.” One of my favorite shows since I was six years old!

35. My girl C, who doesn’t think I’m weird when I tell her about my spiritual dreams and nudgings…

36. My neighbor’s little son who says, “Hello Miss Jackie,” when I get home from work nearly every day at least when it’s warm outside. At least someone is glad to see me come home…

37. My laugh. Thankfully, God has gifted me with the ability to find humor in most things!

38. The A, shawty. For all of its ups and downs, it is still my city!

39. Idris Elba. How fine is he?

40. Chastain Park – Jill Scott turned it out there this summer.

41. My mentor, Ms. B. Your relationship with God is inspiring!

42. For A aka SD, I didn’t feel so alone the other day because of you! You are a true friend!

43. For all the support I have received on this blog. Y’all encourage me to keep expressing myself!

44. My classes at L.A. Fitness. I feel like I’m a video dancer when I’m teaching. No matter what anyone says it is a not-so-secret dream of mine to be a dancer in a video. Am I the only one that LOVES the video for “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)?”

45. My bank account…touch (go head and touch the computer screen) and agree with me that it will get bigger in 2009, but of course, I’m thankful for how God has already blessed me because y’all know in this economy, it could be much worse!

46. Candles…they make me feel like I’m having a romantic evening when I am dating no one 🙁

47. My other mentor, also a Ms. B, who is the real “straight talk express!”

48. My journals…you lead me back to my best self and remind me of how God really does love me…

49. Romance – although you have left my life at the moment, I sense that you will be back in 2009!

50. Life itself – ever an adventure…

Yeah, I know I’ve only reached 50, but I can’t write anymore…

What are you thankful for?

Any thoughts!