Preparing for Valentine’s Day 2016 or 7 Ways to Spot a Noncommital Man…

Hello World, tiffany

Yesterday, I celebrated my second Valentine’s Day as a married woman. I can’t front. It was wonderful and peaceful. I got up early yesterday morning as I usually do and headed downstairs to get ready to go the gym and what was waiting for me on our living room table? The telltale robin egg blue box from Tiffany & Co. I slid down on my knees to get to the box and opened it to see the beautiful necklace to the right in addition to a basket of smell-goods and a heartfelt card that made me feel all gooey and grateful inside…After I squealed and ran upstairs to wake up my hubby and thank him, I shared this on Facebook…

A wonderful, handsome Christian husband is gift enough but a gift from Tiffany’s is nice too. I’m so cheap I’ve never even been inside the store and now I have my second piece from there. Makes up for all of the v-days I was into noncommittal dudes. Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!!! ‪#‎testimony‬

It’s true…For most of my Valentine’s Days, I was the girl hoping, wishing and praying that I was the one that could change him and make him commit…I don’t profess to be a relationship expert by trade, but if experience is the best teacher, chile I got a Ph.D….If there is anything I know how to do is spot a noncommittal man…Even though I technically don’t need this skill anymore since I’m married,  I still want to have it to help my single sisters in the struggle..(and the truth of the matter is I will always feel like a single girl…at least in some ways…) So below are my 7 Ways to Spot a Noncommittal Man

1.Look in the mirror…If you have dated at least three men that you wanted to commit to you but they managed to get away no matter what you did or didn’t do, said or or didn’t say, wore or didn’t wear and on and on, you have to recognize that you probably don’t want to commit or else you wouldn’t like these type of men …Yes, it’s that deep…Now once you have that realization, there is more work to do although I won’t share that here today as its not the point of today’s post…

2. Believe what he tells you…If a man tells you up front that he just wants to hang out, kick it, chill etc. because he recently got out of a relationship or whatever the reason, please thank God in heaven because that’s all you need to know…Please do not believe you are the woman that will make him change his mind…It took me a long time to realize that I’m just not that special…Yes, I know you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Praise God), but Boo Boo, every man is not meant to be the one for you…that’s why it’s the one…If he tells you that, it’s on to the next one…

3. You don’t know his friends…If you have been dating a man for at least six months and you haven’t met nary one of his boys, that’s because your “relationship” is a secret…LOL…When you meet a man’s friends, you’re meeting an extension of him, and a noncommittal man aine’ trying to do all that…

4. You don’t know his mama…If you are dating a man for at least a year, and you haven’t met his mama or anyone else in his family, chances are you never will…A man that wants to commit to you has no problems bringing you to the family cookout or to the family church that his family has been attending for generations…

5. If he is 40 years old and over and has never been married and has no kids…I know a man who is over 4o years old and has no ex-wives or baby mamas looks like a catch, but if he has gotten to that stage in life and those milestones haven’t happened, it is because he has orchestrated his life in such a way to avoid them…I wonder why…Hmmm….No need to figure it out, just keep it movin’.

6. If you don’t see him very much…I’m a person who relishes being busy (probably to my detriment, but that’s another post) and when I was single, I was extra busy…And with all of my busyness, I assumed that whoever I was dating was like me…busy…so I made excuses if I didn’t see the man I wanted to see every weekend…but when someone really wants to see you, I don’t care what he has going on, he will make time for you…

7. If his primary mode of communicating with you is texting…I don’t know what noncommittal men did before texting but noncommittal men love to text…They don’t even have to hear your voice to ask you out…How insulting is that? If a man can’t even commit to hearing your voice, then obviously he can’t commit to you…

By no means is this list exhaustive, but this is my experience…do with it what you will…

And the quicker you get noncommittal men out of your life, the higher your chances of meeting a man who will celebrate next year’s Valentine’s Day with you 🙂

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

Soul Mates: Dr. Martin Luther Jr. & Coretta Scott King…repost…

thekings

Editor’s Note: This post is from 2011, but I always love a good love story…Read and enjoy…Happy MLK Day 2015!!!

Hello World,

As you know, I love to write about love and marriage. In fact, I have dedicated a whole section on my blog to married couples, Soul Mates. While I know that many people do not believe in soul mates, I would like to believe that God has a hand in orchestrating great love stories that end in marriage. Today, we officially celebrate the life and contributions of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  But from Dr. King to President Obama, their wives had a hand in making them great men. While I will never get the opportunity to interview Dr. King and Mrs. Coretta Scott King, I still want to feature their story on my blog. So I have decided to post interesting quotations about their marriage. Read, enjoy and take note…

  • Born and raised in Marion, Alabama, Coretta Scott graduated valedictorian from Lincoln High School. She received a B.A. in music and education from Antioch College in Yellow Springs, Ohio, and then went on to study concert singing at Boston’s New England Conservatory of Music, where she earned a degree in voice and violin. While in Boston she met Martin Luther King, Jr. who was then studying for his doctorate in systematic theology at Boston University. They were married on June 18, 1953, and in September 1954 took up residence in Montgomery, Alabama, with Coretta Scott King assuming the many functions of pastor’s wife at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church. (from The King Center website)
  • While studying music, she met King, then pursuing a PhD at Boston University. “…he was looking for a wife. I wasn’t looking for a husband, but he was a wonderful human being,” she told an interviewer. “I still resisted his overtures, but after he persisted, I had to pray about it…I had a dream, and in that dream, I was made to feel that I should allow myself to be open and stop fighting the relationship. That’s what I did, and of course the rest is history. ” (from About.com)
  • Martin, about their first date: “So you can do something else besides sing? You’ve got a good mind also. You have everything I ever wanted in a woman. We ought to get married someday.” (from About.com)
  • She was studying music at the New England Conservatory of Music in Boston in 1952 when she met a young graduate student in philosophy, who on their first date told her: “The four things that I look for in a wife are character, personality, intelligence and beauty. And you have them all.” A year later, she and Dr. King, then a young minister from a prominent Atlanta family, were married, beginning a remarkable partnership that ended with his assassination in Memphis on April 4, 1968. (from The New York Times)
  • Her first encounter with the man who would become her husband did not begin auspiciously, as recounted in “Parting the Waters,” by Taylor Branch. Dr. King, very much in the market for a wife, called her after getting her name from a friend and announced: “You know every Napoleon has his Waterloo,” he said. “I’m like Napoleon. I’m at my Waterloo, and I’m on my knees.” Ms. Scott, two years his elder, replied: “That’s absurd. You don’t even know me.” (from The New York Times)
  • Still, she agreed to meet for lunch the next day, only to be put off initially that he was not taller. But she was impressed by his erudition and confidence, and he saw in this refined, intelligent woman what he was looking for as the wife of a preacher from one of Atlanta’s most prominent ministerial families. When he proposed, she deliberated for six months before saying yes, and they were married in the garden of her parents’ house on June 18, 1953. The 350 guests, elegant big-city folks from Atlanta and rural neighbors from Alabama, made it the biggest wedding, white or black, the area had ever seen. (from The New York Times)
  • Even before the wedding, she made it clear she intended to remain her own woman. She stunned Dr. King’s father, the Rev. Martin Luther King Sr., who presided over the wedding, by demanding that the promise to obey her husband be removed from the wedding vows. Reluctantly, he went along. After it was over, the bridegroom fell asleep in the car on the way back to Atlanta while the new Mrs. King did the driving. (from The New York Times)
  • “I had no problem being the wife of Martin, but I was never just a wife. In the 1950s, as a concert singer, I performed ‘freedom concerts’ raising funds for the movement. I ran my household, raised my children, and spoke out on world issues. Maybe people didn’t know that I was always an activist because the media wasn’t watching. I once told Martin that although I loved being his wife and a mother, if that was all I did I would have gone crazy. I felt a calling on my life from an early age. I knew I had something to contribute to the world.”  (from The Washington Post)
  • The Kings had four children: Yolanda Denise King (November 17, 1955 – May 15, 2007) (October 23, 1957 in Montgomery, Alabama), Martin Luther King III, Dexter Scott King (January 30, 1961 in Atlanta, Georgia), Bernice Albertine King (March 28, 1963 in Atlanta, Georgia) All four children later followed in their parents’ footsteps as civil rights activists. (from Wikipedia)
  • Scott King became an activist in her own right, as well, carrying messages of international peace and economic justice to organizations around the world. She was the first woman to deliver the Class Day address at Harvard University and the first woman to preach during a service at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London. When King was assassinated outside a motel room in Memphis, Tenn., on April 4, 1968, Scott King channeled her grief into action. Days later, she led a march through the streets of Memphis, and later that year took his place as a leader of the Poor People’s March in Washington, D.C. (from ABC News)
  • And to carry on that legacy, she focused on two ambitious and daunting tasks. The first was to have a national holiday in his honor, the second was to build a nationally recognized center in Atlanta to honor his memory, continue his work and provide a research center for scholars studying his work and the civil rights era. The first goal was achieved despite much opposition in 1983 when Congress approved a measure designating the third Monday in January as an official federal holiday in honor of Dr. King, who was born in Atlanta Jan. 15, 1929. (from The Washington Post)
  • Over 14,000 people gathered for Coretta Scott King’s eight-hour funeral at the New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Georgia on February 7, 2006 where daughter Bernice King eulogized her mother. The megachurch, whose sanctuary seats 10,000, was better able to handle the expected massive crowds than Ebenezer Baptist Church, of which Coretta was a member since the early 1960s and which was the site of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s funeral in 1968. (from Wikipedia)

Any thoughts?

Making Your Divine Appointment…

Hello World,

Delta Authors on Tour...

Delta Authors on Tour…

Yesterday was a whirlwind of a day…I had gotten up around 5:30 a.m. to pray and write and then I mapped out the rest of day…I had planned to go the Delta Authors on Tour event for a couple of hours and then get on with my Saturday washing clothes, grocery shopping, etc. – basically the mundane stuff…

In my mind, I was grumbling about the various things I needed to get done – the fun stuff and not-so-fun stuff…I LOVE to write, but writing this first novel has been a challenging feat for me for several reasons…For the sake of brevity, I will only name two…Reason #1…Up until the last year or so, I haven’t read a novel in some years…I’m a non-fiction afficionado…In fact, even though I’ve been a part of a book club that has read novels for roughly 16 years, I have read very few of them (I’m grateful they allow me to come back to meetings 🙂 ) Reason #2…Since I’m trained as a journalist, I can whip up a competent article or two or three if threatened in a few hours…But writing chapters and for hundreds of pages is a marathon I’ve never run before…

The not-so-fun stuff was obviously my household chores…Sometimes my week is so hectic, I have to relegate mundane chores to the weekend…and the last thing I want to do on a weekend is wash clothes, plan meals, clean, etc. When I was single, I could ignore all of the not-so-fun stuff and let things pile up including dishes, clothes, dust bunnies, etc. But now that someone is living with me, I no longer have that luxury…(although my husband would probably argue that I still allow myself that luxury…)

Sorors Dr. Fran Breakfield & L.D. Wells...

Sorors Dr. Francene Breakfield & L.D. Wells…

So yesterday, I had all of that planned as I charged into Greenbriar Mall where the Delta Authors on Tour event was held. My plan was to stay there for two hours tops…I was there to support two of my collegiate chapter sorors L.D. Wells and Dr. Francene Breakfield and then meet newly minted Soror Suzan Johnson Cook, who is not only a former pastor and current author, she also served as the United States Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom…But when I was told Soror Johnson Cook wouldn’t be there until 3 p.m., I realized that my day would unfold as planned…

Me & Soror, Dr., Ambassador & More Suzan Johnson Cook...

Me & Soror, Dr., Ambassador & More Suzan Johnson Cook…

How many of you know that “in their hearts, humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps?” (Proverbs 16:9)

What I understand now is that I had a divine appointment to be there and not just for two hours but for the WHOLE day…I got there early about 11 ish in the morning and didn’t make it home until roughly the same time last night…

Me & Soror Victoria Christopher Murray...

Me & Soror Victoria Christopher Murray…

While I was there I met Soror Suzan Johnson Cook whose book “A New Dating Attitude” made me know that I know that I know that I truly know my husband was and is God’s best for me…But that wasn’t the only reason I was there…I reconnected with authors I’ve met before such as Victoria Christopher Murray and met authors I’ve never met before such as Angela Ray, Dr.

From left to right, Dr. Martha Ward Plowden, L.D. Wells, Brenda Jackson, Dr. Fran Breakfield

From left to right, Dr. Martha Ward Plowden, L.D. Wells, Brenda Jackson, Dr. Fran Breakfield

Majorie L. Kimbrough, Dr. Martha Ward Plowden, Ruth P. Watson, Stephanie Perry Moore and Brenda Jackson…In fact, I hobnobbed with the Delta Authors on Tour so much I was invited to go to dinner with them that evening at The Pecan restaurant in downtown College Park…New York Times Best-Selling Author Brenda Jackson, who I’m ashamed I’ve never heard of before yesterday, has written over 100 books!!! (Y’all know she has been blessed by God, all gifts do come from Him…)

Stephanie Perry Moore and one of her adorable young fans...

Stephanie Perry Moore and one of her adorable young fans…

The conversation at dinner encouraged me to continue in my divine appointment of being a wife (maybe mother someday…I know I’m 41 and the countdown has started…Mind yo business 🙂 ) and an author with dreams so big only God can accomplish them through me…

As I and some of the author Delta Authors on Tour made our way back to our cars, little did we know that we had another divine appointment…We met a dynamic downtown College Park business owner that regaled us with story after story after story of her “mustard seed” faith and how she encourages people to not only dream but to WAKE UP!

Don't we look hungry? LOL...Me & Angela Ray...

Don’t we look hungry? LOL…Me & Angela Ray…

And I’m only giving you the “public personal” version of the divine appointments that I experienced yesterday because I’m still pondering everything and this is the Internet…lol…

So this morning, I’m awake and ready to continue to writing this novel that I hope to have “spit shined” and ready for perusal next month…Y’all keep me in prayer…

Won’t He Do It! Guess What? He Already Did!

Any thoughts?