Category Archives: Book Notes

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It’s First Lady Friday Featuring…Darline McElroy, First Lady of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church in Forney, Texas!

Hello World,

During Women’s History Month 2019, I’ve launched a new interview series featuring First Ladies! In thinking about my mother who was the First Lady of Central Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia for 38 years before my father retired in 2017 and after reading Kimberla Lawson Roby’s final Rev. Curtis Black book “Better Late Than Never” which explored Charlotte’s desire to not be a typical First Lady, it dawned on me that I should feature First Ladies, which are revered positions particularly in the black church. Everyone is always talking about what the pastor of this church and that church is doing, but First Ladies are equally as important as the pastors to whom they are married! So periodically, on a Friday of course, I am featuring a First Lady. So if you know of a First Lady who should be featured, please e-mail me at jacqueline@afterthealtarcall.com because I’m looking for notable First Ladies to feature!

So with that being said, let me present to some and introduce to others the First Lady of Mt. Zion Missionary Baptist Church Darline McElroy!

Below is her biography followed by my interview with her. Read, enjoy and share!

Darline Amos-McElroy grew up in Leland, Mississippi. After graduating from the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff, Arkansas, she settled in Dallas, Texas. Darline served in education where the storyline for I Ate the Cake: A Journey for Justice began. As a school counselor, Darline followed the responsibilities. As a servant of Jesus Christ, she followed the purpose of His calling. Darline resides with her husband, Pastor Robert B. McElroy and her four children in the suburbs of Dallas, Texas. I Ate the Cake: A Journey for Justice is Darline’s debut book.

1.How do you feel about the term “First Lady?”

When my husband, Pastor Robert B. McElroy, and I accepted the call to Mt. Zion, we agreed to use the term Pastor’s wife. I equated “First Lady” as a position to be highly regarded as someone worthy of different treatment than others. However, my preference is to be one with people of God, so most often, I am referred to as Minister Darline, the Pastor’s wife, or simply my name. I have learned that the term is also one of endearment; therefore, I am not offended by the term as it is a tradition for many. In truth, the Pastor’s wife is set apart, so the choice of terminology doesn’t override expectations and responsibilities.

2. What is the “job description” of a First Lady?  

I chuckled when I heard this question, and one word came to my mind, all-encompassing. The First Lady is a wife first. With her love for her husband and wanting the best for him, she will do what supports him, whether cleaning the restrooms to leading praise and worship songs. The job description is different in each church depending on the available people and resources. The Pastor’s wife will also have a desire, like many Christians, to use her God-given gifts and talents. The description will evolve as the Pastor’s wife, or First Lady learns who she is in Christ. The most important is to support the Pastor’s vision and maintain balance within herself and for her family.

3. What is the best part and what is the worst part about being a First Lady? 

The best part is to assist my husband in creating a welcoming church culture for God’s people. My nature is to care, encourage, and protect, which many members need when coming in from a world that can be cruel. My training as a counselor assists me in the role of First Lady. My desire for each child and adult is for each person to reach their God-designed plans. God has placed me in a position to help others when needed. The worst part is learning balance. Mt. Zion is our first church where we have served as leaders. I can be a very driven person, so I tend to go “all in,” which can lead to energy and emotional depletion especially having my own family and career. However, I have very supportive members who often encourage both my husband and myself to slow down. I think I have reached a point of understanding.

4. What are some misconceptions that people have about being a First Lady? 

The Pastor and his wife as human and have personal struggles. We are not above life as many believe. When we experience problems, it is exceptionally delicate, and often, we have no one to call on safely to release emotionally. Being a “First Lady” can be daunting if you regard yourself as above others. Self-perception is crucial. If I am one with the people, then I am just like others needing Christ to forgive my sins, give strength, and fulfill my life’s purposes. I realize that people have misconceptions; however, many have misconceptions about the uniqueness of being a Christian. For this reason, I remind myself often that I walk in the freedom of Christ, and my walk, actions, etc will help those misconceptions to change eventually.

5. How has your church transitioned during the COVID-19 pandemic and how has the transition affected your church? 

With the assistance of the church ministers, the church has transitioned well. My husband became ill during the early onset of the pandemic, and the ministers helped to transition the church. Initially, we used the phone lines that we use weekly for prayer. We are now using Zoom for Wednesday night Bible study and Sunday morning church service. Each week more members are getting involved. Our women and men groups also meet by Zoom once a month. The Pastor and the board members are working on a building project. With God’s favor, the church is doing well.

6. You worked in the field of education for many years but recently wrote the book I Ate the Cake: A Journey for Justice. Why did you decide to write a book and how did you come up with this interesting title?

Yes, I am a former school counselor and now a licensed professional counselor with an agency, having started Ellipsis Counseling Services. I decided to write the book for three reasons. First, I wrote, “at God’s word.” We see in the gospel of Luke 5:5 that Simon Peter was unsuccessful in his career. Jesus sends him back and tells him to drop the net. The summer I sought help from the district leaders, God told me to keep notes and records. I shared with one of my sisters on a road trip that God was leading me to write a book about the school district’s experiences. Writing the book was my response to God saying, “drop the net.” If placed in God’s hands, every talent or gift we have will capture people’s hearts and lead them to a place of encouragement, peace, or direction.

I also wrote because of Isaiah 30:8, “Go now, write it on a tablet for them, inscribe it on a scroll, that for the days to come it may be an everlasting witness.” God encouraged and instructed Isaiah to write so that the children of God would realize that the writing would serve as a witness to their rebellion once God decided to act. In other words, it could not be said, “we didn’t know or didn’t understand.” As Christian, we are to serve God’s purposes in every life area, including our careers.

Lastly, I wrote the book because it has always been my desire to publish. I Ate the Cake: A Journey for Justice gave me excellent writing material. It is a testimony I never anticipated, and writing the memoir helped me release emotions and understand why God allowed these troubles to be on my journey. As for the title, the story tells the reason. At some point in life, we are all forced or tricked into taking a bite of things intended for harm, but God will turn it around.

7. What do you hope readers will learn from your book? 

My hope is readers will understand the importance of standing up for righteousness and allowing God to work through us daily. My prayer is that the memoir teaches we will have troubles in life, and not all of the problems are self-inflicted. Many issues come as an opportunity to do God’s work and honor His command to “be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it” ( Genesis 1:28 NIV). We use God’s strength to accomplish “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” (Matthew 6:10 NIV). Furthermore, I want readers to see that the Pastor’s wife or First Lady struggles to honor God just like others. I shared authentic lessons I had to learn as a follower of Christ. At the end of the day, we all walk the same road, trying to please God.

Any thoughts?

Again, if you know of a First Lady who should be featured, please e-mail me at jacqueline@afterthealtarcall.com because I’m looking for notable First Ladies to feature! And if you would like to have conversations about faith, relationship, pop culture and more, please click on this link to subscribe to my blog 🙂!

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New York Times Bestselling Author Kimberla Lawson Roby Launches The Woman God Created You to Be Podcast Starting Tomorrow!

Hello World,

In January, fiction dynamo Kimberla Lawson Roby, a New York Times bestselling author known for her Reverend Curtis Black Series, released her very first nonfiction title The Woman God Created You to Be: Finding Success Through Faith — Spiritually, Personally, and Professionally! Now, Kimberla is launching a podcast based on that book entitled The Woman God Created You to Be Podcast, which will start tomorrow!

Below is the description including a trailer:

Are you the real woman God created you to be? Do you want to become her? Join New York Times bestselling author and speaker, Kimberla Lawson Roby, each week, as she inspires and encourages you to become the best you can be in all areas of your life—spiritually, personally, and professionally. In every episode, Kimberla will transparently discuss topics, such as faith, purpose, relationships, self-care, women’s issues, fear, failure, success, and so much more—all of which she has struggled with or experienced herself. Additionally, she will share three things you can do, as well as a scripture to help you. Kimberla is a Christian woman, wife, bonus mom, speaker, and author of 28 books, including, The Woman God Created You to Be: Finding Success Through Faith — Spiritually, Personally, and Professionally.

Each Monday, you’ll be able to listen to a new episode via Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, or Amazon Music. Also, so you don’t miss any of the weekly episodes, subscribe to the podcast at no cost to you.

If you haven’t read her book The Woman God Created You to Be: Finding Success Through Faith — Spiritually, Personally, and Professionally , I interviewed her about this book earlier this year. A portion of that interview is below.

1. In your latest title The Woman God Created You to Be, your first nonfiction title, you reveal so much. You reveal that you wrote your last seven fictional stories “in misery,”  that you didn’t meet your biological father until you were an adult, that you were touched inappropriately as a child, that you’ve been married before and more. Why reveal all of this now after cultivating a career in writing in which you have kept your personal life to yourself?
That is a very, very good question, even one that I sort of had for myself, and the only answer that I have is what the truth is: This is not necessarily the book that I wanted to write. But it is a book that God laid on my heart, and one that just wouldn’t go away. First of all, the idea of just writing a nonfiction book, and also the idea of writing a book in which I am so transparent. But as I continued to pray about it and move forward with it, I decided, ‘Okay, yes, Lord, I hear you, and I am going to write this book.’ Especially if it is going to help women. I also had to come to the understanding that the only way I was going to do that was to share my own experiences whether they were the successes and the accomplishments that God has allowed me to have, as well as the fears, the flaws, and the failures.
2. You said you wrote your Rev. Curtis Black Series so that readers would pay close attention to who their church leaders are. Do you feel you accomplished this goal?
I do. From when the very first title in the series ‘Casting the First Stone’ was released in January 2000, I’ve heard many, many stories from readers in cities and states throughout the country. So many people have said to me, ‘It made me take a look at my pastor. It made me take a look at my church leader.’ I heard them say that it wasn’t something they’d thought to do, and that it really made a difference in their lives, so that was my whole point. I also mentioned in the book that I love God too much to have written that particular series to criticize or ridicule the church or pastors. I would never do that, and my hope was that people would come to realize that it’s not about worshiping another human being who is standing in the pulpit, but it is absolutely about making sure your own personal relationship with God is intact.
No one is perfect, but what do you feel that people should look for in a church leader, particularly for those who are sour on church as you mentioned in your Church People chapter?
I think people should certainly look for a leader who is following God and then also one who has great integrity. I speak very highly of my own pastor because those were two of the things that Will [her husband] and I looked for when we began looking for a different church several years ago. And that makes all the difference – looking for a pastor who not only does what he says he is going to do but that you can see that he is doing it. And you can feel that he cares, not just about himself but that he cares about people in general.
3. In your chapter The Comparison Game and Pretending to Be Someone You’re Not, you write about writers who have often said they want to be like you with a wonderfully successful writing career without realizing that if that were true, they would have to be like all of you – which includes still grieving the loss of your mother after she passed away 18 years ago and having anxiety attacks. Why do you feel that this is an important message for writers?
I think that it’s a very important message because especially in this day of social media, so many times, people are scrolling through timelines and they’re looking at the next person, thinking, ‘Wow, I wish I could trade places with them,’ or ‘Wow, there’s no sense in me following through with the purpose that I know God has given me because someone else is already doing it.’ That’s what I believe really gets us in trouble. The best advice I could give to anyone, and this is across the board, is to just be who God created you to be. Focus on what your own passions are. Pray and ask God to show you what your purpose is so that you can begin walking in it. One of my lines that I like to say is, and it’s not brand new, but I really believe in staying in my own lane. I just suggest that everyone do that.
And for some writers, you are a New York Times bestselling author, but for some authors, their writing path may not include that kind of accolade. What do you say to that?
My thoughts have always been to focus on what God created you to do. Maybe He has brought you into this world to bless 20 people versus 20,000 or 20 million. But we have to be okay with that. We have to do what God has assigned to our lives.

To read the entire interview, click HERE. 

I will definitely be listening tomorrow! How about you?

Any thoughts?

 

 

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Black Women, Black Love: America’s War on African American Marriage — My Review

Hello World,

Today marks a year that my debut novel Destination Wedding was released into the world! And God has been so good throughout this year in helping me to get the word out about my book to the world. Just this week, I discovered that the Detroit Public Library  chose my debut novel as one of the best works of fiction for 2019-2020!!! It was mentioned in its 2020 AFRICAN AMERICAN BOOKLIST!!! I’m on the list with the likes of Ta-Nehisi Coates, Victoria Christopher Murray, ReShonda Tate Billingsley, Jacqueline Woodson & More!!! (Crazy, right?)

Below is the cover of the booklist, which has been published for 52 years, along with my book cover. According to the Detroit Public Library website,  “this bibliography provides a selected list of books by and/or about African Americans. The works of fiction and nonfiction for adults, children and young adults were reviewed and recommended by librarians of the Detroit Public Library.” Click HERE if you want to see the entire list.

Along with celebrating my book release anniversary, I also wanted to help spread the word about another important book that validates why I wrote Destination Wedding in the first place. Destination Wedding is my response to a real ABC News Nightline piece “Single, Black, Female and — Plenty of Company” in which it was reported that 42 percent of black women have never been married, which is double the amount of white women who find themselves in that dire predicament.

Obviously, as my book is a novel, the women in my book are fictional; however, this statistic illustrates a very real dilemma. Dr. Dianne M. Stewart, an associate professor of religion and African American studies at Emory University here in Atlanta, writes about this dilemma in her sweeping treatise Black Women, Black Love America’s War on African American Marriage, which was recently released. Dr. Stewart actually interviewed me about my novel last year at my book launch at Auburn Avenue Research Library in downtown Atlanta. Through our discussion, we were able to identify how our works intersect. While I address personal solutions to this dilemma through the lives of my main characters in my novel, Dr. Stewart identifies systemic solutions for what she refers to as “our nation’s most unrecognized civil rights issue” in her nonfiction book.

Similarly, as the ABC News Nightline report was broadcast in December 2009, Dr. Stewart cites that in 2009, 71 percent of Black women in America were unmarried, according to the 2010 US Census. As the ABC News Nightline report was broadcast in 2009, that time period was explored in my novel, but Dr. Stewart starts at slavery. She writes that “endless studies examine racial slavery in America as a reverberating assault upon Black people’s historic and contemporary liberties in perhaps every arena of life but one: romantic love and marriage.” Further down, she writes, “yet from its very beginnings, the transatlantic trade in human cargo, which set the American institution of African bondage in motion, required the disruption of intimate relationships and marriages.”

In Chapter 1 “Jumping the Broom: Racial Slavery and America’s Roots of Forbidden Black Love,” Dr. Stewart writes about a 19-year-old slave Celia who was hanged to death after killing her owner, who repeatedly raped her. Her true love was her boyfriend George, but she was unable to “freely choose a Black man as her lover and life partner.” Additionally, she writes that “less than 1 percent of slaveholders in the South held more than 100 persons in bondage, and by 1860 enslaved persons in the South, on average, lived in groups of 10. For this reason, enslaved women such as Celia were fortunate if they found romantic partners residing on the same properties with them.”

In the next chapter “Slow Violence and White America’s Reign of Terror,” Dr. Stewart writes about how Black love continued to be under assault even after slavery ended. Although they had been married for 22 years,  Atlanta, Georgia resident Carolyn Gilbert’s husband, 42-year-old Henry, was lynched in 1947. Through sharecropping, the  couple had saved enough to buy a 111-acre farm. But reportedly, he was shot and killed for allowing a “young black troublemaker” to hide on their farm. Additionally, a police officer shot Henry claiming the “deacon and treasurer at his small Baptist church ‘drew a chair on me.'”

In the third chapter, “Love and Welfare: Johnnie Tillmon and the Struggle to Preserve Poor Black Families,” Dr. Stewart interweaves pop culture examples in addition to more poignant real life cases of how Black love has been disrupted throughout the decades. I loved the 1974 movie Claudine. Dr. Stewart wrote that the movie “depicted the structural obstacles welfare posed to Black love and marriage and the stark reality that for millions of Black women in America at the time, choosing marital fulfillment (as the main character Claudine eventually does) meant loosing welfare benefits.”

Due to my age, I’m most familiar with the examples presented in the next chapter “Black Love in Captivity: Mass Incarceration and the Depletion of the African American Marriage Market.” And the first sentence in this chapter is particularly arresting. Pun intended. “No other institution has perfected America’s project of forbidding black love better than the contemporary prison industrial complex.” Further down, she writes, “Black men are incarcerated at much higher rates than any other group in the United States, even when convicted for the same crimes.” Did you know that former President Obama was the “first sitting president to actually tour a federal prison in 2015?” Additionally, former President Obama, “actually commuted the sentences of more inmates than his twelve predecessors combined.”

Speaking of Obama, Dr. Stewart writes about the former First Lady Michelle Obama in the chapter “Will Black Women Ever Have it All? Michelle Obama, Kheris Rogers and African Americans’ Shifting Landscapes of Love.” Dr. Stewart cites an article “Dark and Lovely, Michelle” by Vanessa Williams. Williams wrote, “A lot of Black women fell for Barack Obama the moment they saw his wife.” Let me raise my hand because that is true for me as well. While Dr. Stewart provides example after example of how Black love has been under assault by exterior forces, in this chapter, she presents an interior force that has its beginnings in slavery. In slavery, lighter-skinned Black people were treated better than their brothers and sisters of darker hues. And unfortunately, due to colorism, light-skinned Black women have more of a chance of getting married than medium-skinned and dark-skinned Black women, according to Dr. Stewart. Within this chapter, Dr. Stewart presents many solutions that I won’t reveal here because you have to read the book. However, one solution that I will share from her book is addressing colorism in the Black community.

Recently, actress Gabourey Sidibe shared that she got engaged to Brandon Frankel, who also works in entertainment. Sidibe, who is a dark-skinned black woman, has apparently received some criticism from Black men for being engaged to a White man. One YouTube blogger points out that in the past, many Black men have criticized Sidibe for her complexion and deemed her as undesirable and therefore have no standing to critique her coupling choice now. See the commentary HERE. Dr. Stewart writes that “Black women not only confront a shortage of Black men but also wrestle with internalized and interpersonal color consciousness.”

You have to read the book to experience the full breadth of Dr. Stewart’s exhaustive examination of this dilemma, but I hope I’ve provided enough information to make you buy your own copy of Black Women, Black Love America’s War on African American Marriage. It is a must-have resource if you care about Black love. I think employing personal solutions while addressing systemic solutions is the most comprehensive way to win the war on African American marriage.

What say you?

For more information about Dr. Stewart, see her website: DianneMStewart.com.

Any thoughts?