Category Archives: Beyonce

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Blame It On Me aka Anatomy of a Breakup…

Hello World!!!

It’s still my birthday month! Yeah, my b-day was Labor Day this year, Sept. 7, and I’m still accepting gifts LOL 🙂 . 

But that is not the reason for this post….If you’ve read my blog over this past year (yes, it was ago Sept. 2 that I created this blog with the help of my friend Tess Gadwa), you know that one of my favorite topics to wax creatively on is relationships. But as I’ve known since the ninth grade, sometimes you just want out or sometimes someone else makes that decision for you. Yes, that’s right I’m talking about breaking up…It’s hard to do sometimes, but it’s a fact of life without question. I remember the first time I broke up or rather was forced to break up with someone. (As I write this, I wonder if I have shared this story before as I’ve been blogging for a year now.)

As a ninth grader, Imani, who was a grade ahead of me, was my first official boyfriend. He was great. He was smart and cute – a chocolate drop with wavy hair. And his wardrobe was the business. He used to wear the fresh jogging suits with the matching sneaks. And wonder of wonders, he liked me. He walked me to my classes. He bought me stuffed animals. He wrote love letters to me. He called me almost every night. (Now that I’m well into my ’30s – 36 no less 🙁 , I realize how unique he truly was…) I couldn’t date yet, but he was diggin’ me anyway for nearly three months until almost suddenly he wasn’t…And I was crushed…I couldn’t figure out how someone who was obviously into me just wasn’t anymore…aaah, such is life, such is life.

We had a fairly civil breakup in that we talked about it and then went on our way. That was very mature of us at the time…but sometimes the breakup is anything but mature…I admit I’ve been guilty of the immature breakup. In college, I, to my friends’ delight, coined the term the “slow diss.” Sometimes, I just didn’t have the courage to tell a guy I wasn’t into him anymore. So I slowly disengaged myself – getting off of the phone very quickly, not calling back, not accepting invitations for dates and on and on – until the relationship died by slow starvation…sad but true….Sounds mean, huh? But trust and believe, what goes around comes around and it has certainly been done to me…On one of my favorite shows (as you know by now) “Sex and the City,” Jack Berger broke up with Carrie by a Post-it!  on which he wrote, “I’m sorry. I can’t. Don’t hate me.” After such a stunt, of course he would be hated.

So what is the best way to breakup? Is it best to meet and discuss things face to face or does a simple or not so simple phone conversation suffice? Didn’t some athlete in New York recently break up with his fiancee by text…now, that’s bout it…and mean…And once the relationship is kaput, what’s the best way to get over somebody? I remember my best friend in the eighth grade told me the best way to get over a guy is to think of all the things you don’t like about him any ole way. Wise for her young age at the time for sure! That principle still works! A friend in college told me the best way to get over one guy is to get another aka the rebound dude. That can work too — although in my ’30s, I became fond of taking six-month breaks after dating a guy.

A friend of mine a few years ago gave me an invaluable article that I have often used to navigate my way through a breakup. “The Four Stages of Grief aka How Much Longer Until I Feel Good Again” is the best the article I’ve read on breaking up and getting over it! But another one of my favorite ways to get over a dude is listen to breakup songs. If it hasn’t been done before, somebody needs to make an album of the best breakup songs. Well, below is my soundtrack for breakups.

  1. “Blame It On Me” by Chrisette Michele – this has got to be the most popular breakup song this year…This young girl has obviously known heartbreak…it oozes out in this song…
  2. “Let It Flow” by Toni Braxton – once I started playing this song in college, I knew it was a wrap…I was done with you and you’d better be on your way…
  3. “Don’t Speak” by No Doubt – as much as I love to talk, sometimes there are no words we need to say except that “it is over…”
  4. “Hit the Road Jack” by Ray Charles – “Margie” in the movie Ray sang that song with all of the venom that a breakup sometimes involves…
  5. “Not Gon’ Cry” by Mary J. Blige – I’m glad that Mary is doing “Just Fine” nowadays, but she know she can tear up a breakup song…I was your lover and your secretary, and you still did me wrong…
  6. “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce – Trust, you ain’t the only one where that came from…
  7. “It Ain’t Me Babe” by Joaquin Phoenix & Reese Witherspoon – I know these actors recorded this song for the movie “Walk the Line” about Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, but they put their foot in this song. It is a classic “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup song…And it ain’t nothin’ like a country song to get you through…
  8. “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor – I’ma be alright…I WILL SURVIVE!
  9. “Show Me Love” by Robin S. – Who is this chick? I don’t know, but whenever I hear this song, my arms immediately move over my head…I’m tired of giving my love and getting nowhwere…sang it girl!
  10. “Call Tyrone” by Erykah Badu – This song really works when you’ve been dealing with a dude that is straight trife…Man, get outta my face…you ain never bought me nothin’ no way…

So what songs are on your breakup soundtrack?  How do you get over someone? What’s the worst way you’ve ever broken up with someone? Has it come back to haunt you?

Any thoughts?

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A Love Supreme…

Hello World!!!

Although it’s Friday the 13th, I’m claiming that this day will be a beautiful prelude to the best Valentine’s Day ever…Can’t nobody love me like Jesus, but the love of a good man is what I am focusing on today… 🙂

I know this verse has been used on countless wedding programs, but I still love it so I will include it here…

His mouth is sweetness itself; 
he is altogether lovely. 
This is my lover, this my friend, 
O daughters of Jerusalem.

Song of Solomon 5:16

Here’s hoping all of us will indulge in a little sweetness tomorrow!!! Also, in honor of Valentine’s Day, I have decided to list my top 14 love songs…keep in mind that I’m pretty fickle, and this list changes pretty frequently…but this is what I’m feeling today in no particular order…

1. “Look What I’ve Got” by Betty Carter – I fell in love with this song when I first heard Carter sing it on an episode of “The Cosby Show.” Remember that episode when Vanessa and her girls wanted to form a singing group…Classic!

2. “I Like The Way (Kissing Game)” by Hi-Five – This song makes me think of 1991 when I was still in high school. Young love, young love…R.I.P. Tony Thompson! We love you!

3. “A Love Supreme” by John Coltrane – In the liner notes, Coltrane discusses his love for God, which is the true LOVE SUPREME, but I think the song is still a really cool romantic song…

4. “The Sweetest Thing” by Lauryn Hill – My girl may or may not be crazy, but she is still the dopest singer of my generation – hands down! I probably need to start praying for her again…

5. “I Like” by Guy- Nikki D. and I LOVE this song…It reminds of us of the day that we skipped high school and rode all through the A in a jeep with the top down…simple pleasures….good times, good times…

6. “Let It Flow” by Toni Braxton – Yeah, it’s a song about love gone bad, but we all know what Frankie Beverly has said is true…Joy and Pain are one in the same …

7. “Adore” by Prince – I know that Prince is out there, but he is still a sexy little man…Can’t nobody even compare…

8. “Scandalous” by Prince – This song is like butta baby…

9. “When 2 Are In Love” by Prince – Pure genius…

10.  “By Your Side” by Sade – When Samantha dances with that devil Richard on the roof of his penthouse as this song plays, I just melt…Oh yeah, I’m talking about one of my favorite shows ever, “Sex and the City.”

11. “At Last” by Etta James – Ms. Etta knows she was wrong for going off on Beyonce like that, but in a strange way, I understand…that’s her signature song…at least someone could have asked her first if she wanted to sing the song…

12. “A Sunday Kind of Love” by Etta James – People sleep on this song…This is what I want truly…someone I can go to church with and go home with and make it “do what it do…”

13. “A Song For You” by Donny Hathway – Although I love this song, somehow it always makes me a little sad for some reason…maybe because of Hathaway’s tragic and mysterious death…

14. “Could You Be Loved” by Bob Marley…Ain’t nothin’ like an island romance, and this song was on the soundtrack of my Island Romance ’97….

I have decided to include the video for “I Like The Way (Kissing Game)” by Hi-Five…It reminds me of when life was uncomplicated, and I need to remind myself of that today…Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Shake Whatcha Mama Gave Ya…

 

Hello World!!!

I am feeling a little melancholy, but since I’m paying for this Web site, I guess I need to post…even when I don’t feel like it. 🙂

So here’s the topic of discussion for this post…Last week in the A, there was a media storm surrounding the Jonesboro High School dance team. Apparently, the team was disabanded after the girls performed a salacious dance routine at a basketball game last month. The girls, wearing tiny shorts and thigh high stockings, eventually ended up pulling some of the male students from the audience and performed in front of them as they sat in chairs. I cannot imagine being a teacher there and not feeling embarassed…

But here’s the thing…before some of y’all accuse me of being a hypocrite, I was on my high school drill team, and we relished wearing our short shorts and flouncy skirts on Fridays before the football games where we performed during halftime. And while we performed several drills that were not sexual, on occasion, we mixed some dancing into our routines. And we did get a little sexy sometimes…in fact, I made it a point to never invite my parents (namely my father) to a single game to see me perform…he would have NOT been pleased, and he might have forbidden me to be on the drill team had he known what was up. (Think the movie “Footloose!” Ha, ha) I was on the drill team for three years, and if my memory is correct, during my final year on the team,  the captain of our drill team was a girl who aspired to be a stripper…at least that was the rumor….so you can guess what some of our routines looked like…

So did I ever feel embarassed about some of our more suggestive dance routines…somewhat…I certainly never wanted anyone from my church to see me perform…but I did feel a strange sense of power in moving my body that way. Maybe the media contributed to the issue…I don’t know…but there is something about being a teenage girl that makes you want to test the limits of the power you have in shakin’ whatcha mama gave ya…Now should that be on display for the whole student body to see?…that’s another issue…

So if the media is a contributing factor in influencing young women to be overly sexualized in their dancing and other forms of expression, can we really blame them since that type of expression is seen as lucrative and powerful in other arenas? Remember Destiny’s Child “Cater 2 U” performance? That choreography included gyrating, chairs and men as well, and there was no uproar about that…

A fellow blogger and friend discusses her angst her with Beyonce, Booty-Shaking and Child Raising on her blog, enjoyceinglife.blogspot.com. Check out it…good insights there…

Anyway, I remember what is was like to to wanna shake whatcha mama gave ya for everyone to see…Truth be told, I still enjoy that on occasion, but I also realize that allowing our girls to be overly sexualized is very detrimental and can lead to women believing that much of their power is in their bodies rather than in their minds and spirits…

What do you think? (The video of the Jonesboro High School dance team routine is at the head of this post. By the way, you can hear Beyonce in the background.)

Any thoughts?

P.S. I am a Beyonce fan by the way….:)