A Wedding…He’s the One…

coldHello World!!!

I know the hearts of the single ladies are palpitating as they read this post…Let me stop the madness right now! No, this is not a post about me meeting “The One” per se. But this is a post about the wedding of sorts that took place less than a week ago on Jan. 20.

As you may have guessed, yes, I am referring to the swearing in of our 44th president, Barack H. Obama.  And by the grace of God, I was among that number that bombarded the mall to nearly witness the miracle. (By nearly, I mean I was there but I saw the ceremony via a JumboTron.) While I was in our nation’s capital, I was able to take part in many events. Thanks to the hook up of my girl, I, I was able to attend the “Refresh The World” Symposium at Howard University. Movie director Spike Lee was one of the sponsors, along with Pepsi, of the event.  It was off the chain, but more about that later!!!

Rev. Jesse Jackson was one of the panelists in the “Refreshing Black America – The Impact of Barack Obama” discussion.  CNN commentator Roland Martin served as the moderator for this discussion. The other panelists were Princeton University professor Dr. Cornel West, National Action Network President Rev. Al Sharpton, CNN contributor and political analyst Donna Brazile, “Washington Times” deputy editorial director Tara Wall and CNN contributor contributor and political analyst Amy Holmes. I told you it was off the chain, but again, more about that later… 🙂on-the-train

But back to Rev. Jackson. He mentioned that the whole rise of President Obama was similar to a great romance. It started off with the introduction. For many of us, that was Obama’s primary win in Iowa. Although I do remember his wonderful speech at the Democratic National Convention years earlier. The election cycle was the courtship phase. His election in November was Obama’s proposal to us, and we happily said, “Yes!” Or rather, “Yes, we can!” And the inauguration activities represent a grand wedding celebration.  When he offered that analogy, it clicked! Yes, that’s exactly what it felt like in DC last week. It felt like we were all basking in love as we braved the bone-chilling temperatures (at one point, me and my girls had to walk a few blocks from a Metro station to our hotel one night…It was so cold I had to tell myself that  if the ancestors braved the Middle Passage, surely I could make it although the wind and cold were steadily turning my hands into frost-bitten claws)  and overwhelming crowds to usher in history.

The morning of the inauguration at approximately 6 a.m. , throngs of people were nearly shutting down the Metro station as we began our trek to the mall. As we made our way through the station, a voice that sounded like Miss Sophia  from V-103 in Atlanta greeted us over the Metro PA system.  “Good Morning everybody,” the voice said. “Obama not getting up for five more hours so y’all be patient and be courteous. We want y’all to be patient, courteous and smile.” Of course, everyone laughed, and whatever tension was in the air melted even as the frigid air greeted us as we rode the escalator up to exit the station.barackwave

I imagine that God was pleased as people of all races didn’t mind bumping up against one another to show support for our new president. I saw as many white people as I saw black people. I saw Indians and Asians. I saw the very young and the very old. I saw people who were wheelchair bound. I heard accents from across the world. While at the mall, I got separated from my friends and so for many hours, I was alone among the million. As I waited for the hours to pass in the cold before the inaguration ceremony began, I spotted a nearly inconsolable little boy to my right.  I know he was crying because it was so cold. His tears probably froze on his little face.  I wanted to cry too. It was that cold.  I mean at one point, I thought about fainting right there…I thought maybe if I lost conciousness, I couldn’t feel the cold. I consoled myself by saying, “this is for Barack” and other similar statements. Surely, this is what being in love feels like…you find yourself doing things you wouldn’t ordinarily do to show your support and love.  Please believe this Island girl wouldn’t brave the cold for just any ole body.

And did I mention that I was drugged up on TheraFlu and ibuprofen the whole time. Yes, I was feverish the whole week. But every morning I was there, I drug my body out of bed, wore thermal underwear for the first time along with other layers of clothing, took some swigs of TheraFlu, popped some pills and went on my way.  (Actually, a whole week later, I’m still not quite right so y’all pray for me.)

Now, I know Barack ain’t the Savior! Dr. Cornel West made sure that everyone in the symposium knew that with his eloquent quips and quotes. One of my favorite quotes was when he said Obama has been able to “neutralize white anxiety while capitalize on black solidarity.”  West also warned us not to confuse “the cross with the flag.” Of course since the symposium was held on MLK day, he mentioned that at the time of his death, Dr. King had the same approval rating as Bush had at the end of his presidency. I believe West was referring to King’s approval rating among blacks. As you probably know, King was waging a war on poverty when he was assassinated meanwhile blacks had gotten well-adjusted to being well-adjusted, said West. I think he was saying that if Obama really intends to enact true change, his decisions will not please everybody…y’all know how the saying goes. ( “You can’t please everybody all of the time.”)

I was especially pleased with how Donna Brazile made sure to mention that Obama didn’t get to the presidencyattheball all by his lonesome. She gratuitously “big upped” Rev. Jackson for paving the path with his presidential campaigns in 1984 and 1988.  I so love it when we black women publicly lavish praise on our black men. It’s not done enough.  In fact, her words showed a generousity of spirit that officially made me a fan of hers. My favorite moment of the symposium was at the end when the song “Happy Birthday to Ya”  by Stevie Wonder blared throughout the auditorium. Rather than leave the auditorium peacefully, Dr. West, in his too tight pants, began shakin’ it fast. Donna Brazile, who reminded me of myself at that moment, got up and began dancing on his behind – not closely of course- while shaking a white hankerchief in the air. Roland Martin, an Alpha man, began doing steps. And of course, the audience, including me, began dancing in the aisles.  I felt the love. I felt the love. I felt the love.

I like to think that Jesus Christ was a romantic too. After all, his first miracle was performed at a wedding. Hopefully, God will bless our union with President Obama. And so now it feels like we’re honeymooning…Although, I’ve never been married, I’ve been told that the honeymoon doesn’t last forever. At some point, real life sets in…but for right now, I’m just happy that Obama is “The One.”westbraziledancing

Any thoughts?

For those of you who were there, please share your thoughts. I couldn’t possibly share everything…jacket

A Man Fast…

Hello World!!!

Since time permits me from writing my usual magnum opus (just kidding), I have decided to dash off a quick but hopefully punchy post. Hopefully, the topic will be meaty enough to inspire your thoughts and your comments. (PLEASE post your comments. It helps my self esteem:))

So here goes. In recent years, I have taken periodic breaks from dating. One of my friends humorously refers to these breaks as my man fasts. Whenever I feel like I’ve become obsessed with finding “The One,” dated a “wildly inappropriate” man or found myself at the end of a gut-wrenching relationship, I’ve found it helpful to allow my heart to simply rest. During these breaks, I try to reflect on how I may have contributed positively or negatively to the relationship, read numerous relationships books (Remember “He’s Just Not That Into You.”); and reflect on God’s will for my life in the area of romantic relationships. Usually, these man fasts last about six months. I usually rebel at the start of my fasts, but by the end of these fasts, I feel like I’ve given myself a priceless gift – the gift of solitude. And as an added bonus, I have found that the next man that comes along is higher up the man food chain, if you know what I mean. Maybe because I’m choosing out of a place of peace rather than desperation…I don’t know…I have found that inner work precedes outer results.

Anyway, my friend, Soul Daddy (check out his Web site at souldaddymusic.com), sent me a link to an article in which a Christian comedian discussed the pitfalls of her online dating. However, the main point of the article that struck me was how she decided to forgo dating for a while. By the end of the article, she was happily married. And yes, I do want to be married someday, and I do believe my man fasts are leading me in this direction. (Even if my friends make fun of me!)

Read the MSN article below. It’s a very easy read. Any thoughts?

Can faith & online dating mix?

By Jennifer Derryberry Mann

Online dating gives us the unique chance to choose our potential dates—a particularly big challenge for those of us who value religion anda chiseled upper body. No one knows that better than Kerri Pomarolli (www.kerripom.com), the author of If I’m Waiting on God, Then What Am I Doing in a Christian Chatroom?In the book, she offers up true tales of her online dating experiences… like clicking on the hotties instead of the guys who shared her faith. Now an advocate for trusting God and using dating sites with a clear purpose in mind, she doesn’t claim to have the recipe for love, but she does have a few guidelines for single Christians online.

Q: What does it mean to be “waiting on God”?
A: For me, waiting on God was about getting to a place where finding a husband didn’t run my life. I couldn’t go three minutes without thinking about getting a date, and eventually I took a year-long hiatus from dating, which let me prepare for what God had in store for me. I don’t think we give God enough credit in our dating lives. We’re like, “I’ll do this, Lord, and then You just bless it.” And God’s like, “Hey, Kerri, I parted the Red Sea. I think I can find you a husband.”

Q: What mistakes did you make when you dated online?
A:My heart was totally in the wrong place. I didn’t pray about it. I was never intentional or really thoughtful about online dating. The first time I logged into a dating site was at 2 a.m. after having run into my ex and his fiancée on my birthday. I’d look at the pictures first and skip the profiles if the guys weren’t hot. I wanted an investment banker who looked like an Abercrombie model. But when it came time to pray, those guys thought I was a zealot.

Q: What are some other unexpected wrong moves people might make?
A:Saving yourself emotionally for marriage is important. For the longest time, I’d spill everything on the first date: Here are my hopes and dreams, here’s my heart. When you break up with me, you can crumple it up and give it back to me. Online, especially, it’s so easy and tempting to be free and not hold anything back. I found out the hard way that you don’t have to be physically promiscuous to be vulnerable. How are you going to feel if you’vehad these soul-searching conversations, and then he stops returning your calls? Also, if you’re obsessive-compulsive about online dating, like I was at times, you might want to have a sponsor. It’s good to have friends who can hold you accountable, so they can ask, “How many hours were you on today?”

Q: What finally changed for you?
A: I started crying out to God for real help and understanding. I changed, and I did it without losing any of the things that God loves about me—not my fun, or my spontaneity, or my spark. I got to six months of not dating, and I was amazed that I was OK when I found myself at home on a Friday night with no date. That’s a secret struggle for so many of us, but God’s message is that He’s there and that we’re never alone.

Q: So how did you finally meet the man you married?
A:One guy I met through onlinedating became a friend of mine, and he actually introduced me to my husband out in the real world. I met Ron on a comedy trip. He was this token Irish comic, wearing a red Hawaiian shirt, shorts, black socks—the worst! But he and Rich, our mutual friend, prayed for me before the show, and I thought that was the coolest. We became friends. Later, when we were traveling together on another trip, he brought my favorite doughnuts, and we were having a great time laughing and joking. I’d never wanted to date “the nice guy.” By the time that trip was over, I’d fallen and was like, “This is crazy, God!” I had been on a dating hiatus for about a year. I’d broken all my rules — never date a friend, never date a comic — but he was just so thoughtful. He called my father to ask for permission to date me. I never give guys like that the time of day, and there’s no way I would have seen Ron in that romantic way if I hadn’t had my eyes on God. But I did!

Jennifer Derryberry Mann is a columnist for Spirituality & Health magazine and the former editor of Science & Spirit magazine. She writes, edits and teaches yoga in Minneapolis.