Category Archives: Archbishop Oscar Romero

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7 Negative Things I’m Thankful For…

Hello World,

At this time of the year, it is appropos to compile the obligatory gratitude list…I’m thankful for my health, family, spouse, etc….Yes, all of those are definitely true, but according to God’s word we are to:

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:1

This means that God expects us to be thankful for even the negative things that He has allowed in our lives, but we have hope in all circumstances, negative and positive, because:

We know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

So with those two verses in mind, I decided to turn my gratitude list on its head and praise God for what I originally thought was negative, but God it turned into positive…I’m going all the way back to childhood…Come with me 🙂

bible verse1. Not Being a Popular Kid and Bordering on Being Chubby For Most of My Childhood…I guess I’ve always been self-conscious which doesn’t work well on the playground…If someone asks you to play with him or her on the playground, and you rehearse your answer before you reply…You will probably not be the most popular kid…You will be probably be among the weirdo kids…Or if you would rather watch the Brady Bunch [insert whatever show is popular now] with a snack instead of go outside and play kickball, you will probably be among the chubby kids…But not being the most popular, kinda chubby kid made me develop my inner qualities like compassion and kindness because I was sometimes treated without compassion and kindness…AND now that I’m adult, I have no illusion that I can just sit around and preserve my sexy…Good thing to know when you’re over 40…I have to eat right and work out…no excuses…God knows best…

2. Getting Into the Honors Program at Howard University, But Not Receiving Any Scholarship Money…Like many of my friends who spent our high school years watching a “Different World” or attending Atlanta Football Classic games, I just knew I would be attending an HBCU (historically black college or university)! My chosen HBCU was Howard University in our nation’s capital. I had visited Washington D.C. when I was in the seventh grade, and I vowed I would return there as a college student…But it wasn’t meant to be…Although I got into Howard University and the school’s Honors Program, I didn’t receive any scholarship money…It only made sense that at point to go to the school where I had three scholarships…The University of Georgia…a dreaded HWCU…LOL…To my surprise, I had a blast in college, pledged the most wonderful sorority (Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc.) in the world and got a great journalism education without worrying about being hampered by the debt I would have surely incurred had I gone to my “dream school.” God knows best…

3. Becoming a Christian, and Then Losing My Friends…When I decided to give my life to Jesus Christ and no longer depend on the fact that my father, my uncles and grandfather were pastors, I expected my life to get better…After all, if I know God, the creator of the universe, how could anything go wrong? We cool like that…I was wrong…so very wrong..Many of my friends didn’t understand why I spent more time than the obligatory Sunday morning in church or chose not to go to certain places…I cried and I cried I felt so alone…But it was during those moments that God got me alone that I got to know Him…Many of those friendships have been restored as time has passed…but I still know how to depend on God alone because of that time…God knows best…

4. Losing My Job Right After I Bought My First Home…I must admit I was frantic when I lost my job at a newspaper months after buying my first home…Up until that time, I had been living with my parents and while I paid for my own bills like for my car, clothes, etc., my parents didn’t force me to pay rent or anything although I was a college graduate…All of a sudden, I had to pay more bills with less money…During that year or so, I was depressed…I ignored some bills…I took some jobs beneath my education just to get by…But I also had time to explore my creativity like taking a class on “The Artist’s Way” and seeing a career counselor…And when it was all over, I learned that God was my resource not that job…I learned that I didn’t even want a traditional newspaper job anymore…God knows best…

5. Wanting to Get Married at 30 Years Old, Only to Get Married a Month Short redof my 40th Birthday…My mom got married when she was 30 years old…Why would my life be any different? Well, chile, what I did I know? As it turns out, nothing at 30 years old…I had to date some good ones, some bad ones, some crazy ones, etc. before I was finally ready for the man God had for me…Those 10 years were heartbreaking, but they were also precious…a gift of human experiences…I wouldn’t want to go through them again, but I learned so many things about myself and other people that only be taught in the classroom of life…Plus, those years fueled my writing life like nothing else…As any writer knows, pain is the best inspiration…God knows best…

6. Taking Seven Years to Get a Book Deal…In 2002, I had an idea to write a memoir about developing a personal relationship with God, and in 2003, I began trying to get a publisher for my book…It wasn’t until 2010 that I got a book deal…Yes, seven years after I started…But it took all of that time to show me the book needed to include other women and not just me…When I became a Christian, I searched bookstores looking for Christian life books written by black women…I found one or two here or there, but I knew there needed to be more…Once I got some Christian living under my belt, I wanted to write one for a black Christian woman who, like me, wanted to know how other black Christian women walked out their faith…What I learned by being rejected over and over again was that I needed more experiences than just mine…My book includes the testimonies of 24 women in ONE book…This is so the book I wanted for myself years ago…God knows best…

7. Taking Seven Years To Get a Book Deal…Yes, I know already wrote that…But I have more to share on this topic…In 2007, my dream publisher (I still walk around with the business card of the acquisitions editor of this company.) at the time was interested in my original memoir, but my book was ultimately rejected because I didn’t have a platform….I.Almost.Died…At least it felt like I was nearing death because I got so close to realizing my dream only to wake up to the cruel reality of life for an unpublished author…But I didn’t let that rejection stop me…I got busy on developing my platform…This blog was birthed as a result of that rejection…This blog has become a way that I connect to others across the nation and the world…a place to dream…a place to vent…an online history…I love it so…And it is one of the reasons that I got a book deal as I met former “The View” co-host Sherri Shepherd, one of the women featured in book, because of this blog…

So what “negative” things are you thankful for today? Happy Thanksgiving 🙂

Any thoughts?

 

 

 

 

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#WhyIStayed…Don’t Judge Domestic Violence Survivors…

Hello World, rayjanay

As we all know, domestic violence, unfortunately, is not a new issue and has often sparked national conversation…Remember the Farah Fawcett movie “The Burning Bed?”…But with the Monday TMZ release of the video in which former Ravens running back Ray Rice punched his wife Janay (then fiancee), knocking her unconscious and to the floor of an elevator, domestic violence is once again the topic of a national conversation…as it should be…

For women like myself who, fortunately, have no experience with domestic abuse, it is hard to understand why women will marry an abusive man as Janay did AFTER the incident in the elevator and stay with an abusive husband…However, unlike in 1984, when that groundbreaking movie “The Burning Bed” was released, new platforms such as Twitter and Instagram give the opportunity for women across the nation and the world to speak about their experiences with domestic violence…

Janay spoke out yesterday about she is choosing to stay with Ray Rice on Instagram…

janay instagramAnd many women, in an effort to help people understand rather than judge, tweeted about whey they stayed using the hashtag #WhyIStayed….

Below are a few of the tweets that I read with this important hash tag…

Beverly Gooden, author of “Confessions of a Church Girl” and creator of the hashtag #WhyIStayed, spoke about why she stayed in an abusive marriage on ABC’s “Good Morning America” this morning…

And below is a video of the interview…


Watch more news videos | Latest world news

So as we continue to have this important conversation, let’s support rather judge domestic violence survivors…

Any thoughts?

 

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7 Lessons Learned – Going From ‘Single Lady’ to ‘Smug Married’…

Hello World,  cross2

A year ago today, Robert and I said “I do” for better or for worse…and we have learned (and are learning y’all) lessons about each other and one another that you best believe is a testament to those vows we took…

Being married is like living with a two-way mirror. You see and learn things about yourself that you that you didn’t know before, and you see and learn things about your mate that you didn’t know before…Below are 7 lessons we have learned and are learning about each other and ourselves…for better or for worse…

1. I am a mass media/stimulation junkie – I have always been in love with mass media, but it wasn’t until I got married that I realized that not only do I love mass media, I also go to bed with it every night…Often I end up getting in bed before hubby does, and one of the things I like to do before bed is read…And not only one book…I’m talking about books and papers…And I have on the television. And I have on a night light. Drives hubby crazy. Every time he is ready for bed, I have to go through the ritual of clearing away all of my stuff from the bed, turning off the television, turning off the lights…I think when you’re single you find ways to not feel so alone when you live by yourself…Apparently, one of my favorite ways was to surround myself with books and papers and have the television and light going as well…

2. I cannot argue when I am sleepy – You must know that unless you are married to a robot, you and your hubby are bound to disagree and or argue from time to time…I know people say never go to bed angry, but I swear if I’m sleepy, I could really care less about arguing. I’m like let’s pick this up after I’ve slept for the night or at least had a nap!

3. My hubby is never really asleep- Funny that I’ve mostly posted about bedtime habits so far, but bedtime habits, I’ve found, are a big deal…Anywho, I can just look at my husband in the dark and he can wake up…I, on the other hand, can sleep through anything…

4. I like to be in charge – Maybe it’s because I’m the oldest of my parents’ three children or lived as single woman for years and years, but it has been so hard to learn that I don’t have to be or nor am I in charge of everything…In fact, right now, I’ve been thinking of how I can be a submissive (gasp) wife…Whenever I think of being submissive, I think of the woman that was supposed to be the wife of Prince Akeem in the movie “Coming to America.” One of the funniest moments in the movie was when he asked her what she liked. She bowed and then replied, “Whatever you like.” She was willing to obey him without question (He asked her to bar like a dog! ) and be more a servant instead of an equal partner…Can.do.it…Y’all pray for me..

5. My husband is very sensitive- I’ve always thought I was sensitive…I cry at movies. Even Publix holiday commercials do it for me sometimes…But I was wrong…My husband is so sensitive that usually doesn’t attend funerals because he doesn’t like to see people upset…It’s also the reason he is in the healthcare industry because likes to help people…My husband is so sensitive that I have to watch what I say or how I say it because he will be upset hours or sometimes days later about something I’ve said…Maybe it’s because I grew up with a feisty Jamaican mother who held nothing back, but to me hollering is as normal as drinking water…Once I’ve hollered something, I’ve gotten my feelings out and can move on…But I am learning (and not too well just yet) to not holler or come out my mouth with crazy stuff…

6. There will be a test. I’ve noticed that when people get married, something happens that first year that tests their commitment to one another. For some people, it’s the loss of a job and or a health challenge. We’ve had a test as well. I cannot share it all here but trust we’ve had one, and we are trying to get our answers right…But life is a series of tests anyway…

7. My husband is my ride or die…For all of the adjustments that we are making to live together happily ever after, it has been all worth it to learn that my hubby has my back…I can be insecure sometimes (okay, a lot) about my looks or my relationships with my girls, my dreams, etc., but my hubby is always on my side…And that’s not to say, he won’t check me when I’m dead wrong about something but ultimately, he demonstrates that he is on MY side…How I went through life before having this kind of support, I don’t know…

Any thoughts?

Note: This is the third in series of three posts I wrote about being married for a year as of TODAY 🙂 To read my first post, go to  “Couples’ Night – Going From ‘Single Lady’ to ‘Smug Married’”… and my second post was “Cooking & Cleaning Oh My! – Going From ‘Single Lady’ to ‘Smug Married.’”