Hello World! 
If you are anything like me, you are pondering and saddened by the news that American Idol winner and The Color Purple star Fantasia Barrino is recovering after an overdose of aspirin and a sleep aid…Apparently, she took the combination after feeling “overwhelmed by the lawsuit and the media attention” concerning her alleged relationship with her married boyfriend Antwaun Cook, her rep told TMZ.com.
Cook’s wife Paula recently filed a lawsuit against her estranged husband in North Carolina, and Barrino is mentioned in the lawsuit. According to WCNC.com, Barrino and Cook made a sex tape and now Paula is seeking custody of their young children, child support and alimony…To me, it’s pretty obvious that Barrino and Cook were not trying to hide their alleged relationship…She has a tattoo with his last name on her shoulder and there are pictures on the Internet of the couple cavorting all over the world it seems…
Now, the Bible thumping part of me wants to say that Barrino is dead wrong and should leave that man alone – at least until he is truly divorced…But there is another part of me that has a different opinion…Anyone that has lived longer than about 25 years knows that life is not cut and dry…Is it possible to meet your soul mate after you are married to someone else? And if it is possible, what should one do?
In the movie Walk the Line, it was clear that Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash were soul mates — but they were married to other people when they met…And although they fell quickly in love, for a time the only time they could really spend together was on stage…And it appears that at least once Johnny cheated on his first wife with June (at least that is what happened in the movie)…and the two were Christians…Roseanne Cash, the eldest daughter of Cash and his first wife, has written a memoir, Composed, which arrived in stores yesterday.
Christian singer Amy Grant has been accused of having an affair with her now husband country music star Vince Gill. The two were married for years to other people and after they divorced their former spouses, the two married. Though they deny having an affair while they were married to other people, the two admit they felt a deep connection to each other when they first met…
So what say you? What would you do? I think part of the reason that I did not want to get married in my ’20s was that I wanted to wait until I really knew myself before I made that commitment…It seems that in both of the examples that I shared, these couples originally married very early in their lives…Would they have made better decisions if they had waited until they were older? I say yes. I’m not saying that every couple that gets married at a young age is doomed and will meet people better suited for them once they get older…but I do think that when you get older you tend to make better decisions…at least it should be that way…ain’t nothin’ worse than an old fool…
As I alluded to in my title of this post, life can present some interesting conundrums if you live long enough…I’m sure we’ve all heard stories of couples remarrying after they have gotten divorced…Is that wrong or right? Is cheating really grounds for divorce?…A minister told me and a group of other people that many people should not be so quick to divorce after cheating has been revealed, and that he has counseled many that wished they would have forgiven rather divorced their spouses for this offense…
At any rate, aside from all of the philosophizing, we should all pray for Barrino as it’s obvious that this immensly talented singer is suffering right now…
Any thoughts?
Hey Jackie :- )
I think that it’s too early in this case. Barrino’s manager also said that she was misled into believing that Cook and his wife was separated and had filed for divorce. If you listen to Steve Harvey’s morning radio show, you know that this is one of the oldest tricks in the book that married men who want to cheat use. There are many facts to be revealed to the public, but this is surely a lesson learned, that no matter if a man says that they are separated, in the middle of a divorce, or anything else but leally single, run away. My wife has been watching the Amoroso reality show, where she was trying to find a husband. The guy she picked said the same thing, that he was in the middle of a divorce. Even though he was the last man standing, her values won over and she dropped him.
I think if the marriage is where it is supposed to be, there is no such thing as a soul mate outside of marriage. First of all, I think that some people who end up divorced didn’t put enough thought into what they are getting into when they got married. It’s not just about love as an emotion (which changes over time), but love as an action. Love: 1 Cor 13:4-7 says “Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” This is what God defines as true love. I think that part of the larger problem is that we tend to be rebellious… wanting to do things “MY” way instead of God’s way, and divorce is often the result.
I don’t think that it is a matter of life age or wisdom, but a matter of both people making a determination early on that they will make it work, for death do us part. My pastors married when they were young. They have been married for 35 years, but have the same vibrancy as if they had just gotten married yesterday. My wife and I do not believe in divorce. We laugh together. We pray together. We fight together. We communicate. We are the dream team. We made a commitment that Jesus Christ is the head of our household which gives us the security blanket against forces that will try to disrupt our household.
Lastly, yes – cheating is not grounds for divorce. It’s grounds for being really pissed off, but I believe (and correct me if I am wrong) that the only grounds for divorce in the Bible is physical abuse. Like you said, we should all pray for Barrino, but also we should pray for the Cook family as well, that they will be healed from past discretions and that their marriage will be restored :- )
Wow Ellis, you said a mouthful, and I appreciate each and every word :)…I agree that people don’t take marriage as serioiusly as they should but that leads me to believe that for some people, they should wait until they are older and more likely to make a wise decision…and at the same time, some married men will tell women anything in order to get involved with them…And kudos for your stance on your marriage…As far as cheating is concerned, I’m not sure how I would handle it…but I would pray and ask God for some serious guidance because otherwise I can’t even say…
My feeling is that God will never answer my prayers with another woman’s husband. He can’t. He never acts in contradiction to His word, so when people convince themselves that God has brought a soulmate into their lives when they are married to someone else, they’re just kidding themselves.
And who wants a guy who lies to you about the state of his marriage anyway? If he’s cheated on one ‘soulmate’ then he’ll cheat on anyone.
As for cheating being grounds for divorce, I think it depends on the couple and the marriage. As a Christian, I’m called to forgive, and certainly cheating is often a way of avoiding a problem within the marriage that can be dealt with. On the other hand, if it’s a serial cheater, then they’re putting their spouse at risk of disease, not to mention the emotional toll cheating takes. So whether cheating leads to divorce is a decision only those directly involved can make.
Okay, what about the examples I’ve included in my post…Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash and Amy Grant and Vince Gill..
God gives us free will, and allows us to make our own choices – even when they’re not in accordance with His Word. That’s not the same as bringing a soul mate into your life when one of you is married. God can’t tell us not to commit adultery, and then turn around and tell us that adultery is OK because we didn’t marry the ‘right’ person. God cannot contradict Himself. We, on the other hand, are perfectly capable of deluding ourselves into believing that is exactly what He’s doing.
We’ve convinced ourselves that there are no moral absolutes, but God told us that there are moral absolutes, and not committing adultery is one of those absolutes. It doesn’t matter whether physical cheating or emotional, it’s violating a trust.
Those examples you included wound up with marriages that were built on a foundation of sin. We can romanticize that all we want, but that’s what it is, and it has to have an impact. Looking from the outside, we can’t see it clearly, but it has to be there. It may be something about the relationship itself that is never quite right, it may be relationships with children that are damaged, it may be mistrust and insecurities because they’ve each already proven they don’t take marriage vows completely seriously. Some would call it karma, but sin always has an impact of some sort.
I’ve had my temptations, but for me this has been a black and white issue. It really doesn’t matter what’s going on in the other marriage because frankly, I know I deserve better than someone who would cheat on their spouse. I think that’s what it boils down to whenever we think about sin. God tells us these things because He knows the harm sin does to us individually, and as a society. And, like any parent, He wants the best for us. We should want the best for ourselves, as well. Adultery is always compromise. It’s not God’s best.
I think we can speculate – and judge – all day, but the truth of the matter is that we never truly know the full story of what happens between two people behind closed doors (or the intentions). I think many will say what they will and will not do – but how do you know until you are truly in that situation. I’ve had to eat plenty of words – before AND after my walk with Christ.
I concur…experience is the best teacher and until we have experienced some things, it is difficult to predict our behavior in certain situations…
Soulmates are not supported in the word of God. If we can get past that, then maybe we can deal with some of the rest.
I’m happy Gdo sent me my wife, but I know he could have raised up a crackhead, cleaned him up and got him into the word and that man could be just a great husband just like my wife tells me I am.
God is no respecter of persons. There is more than just one person suitable to each of us for marriage, but God has called us to only have one person.
Here is a question, I wonder why God choose you instead of a crackhead…I believe that there is a more than person that can be suitable for anyone to marry…but I wonder why He chooses certain people for others…it’s almost a circular question…what comes first – the chicken or the egg?