Although the episode didn’t delve into the shortage of black men, which is a very real factor, similarly to the ABC News Nightline report, the personal lives of the women were shared. And since this episode spanned two hours, rather than a minutes-long report, it was done in a much deeper way.  Before I get into this recap, I want to commend these four women for sharing so much themselves, I believe that what Iyanla said is true. Their testimonies will be helpful to women who share their struggles, but I sure couldn’t have done it! (That’s why I shared my business in the form of fiction. Some of the story is very true, but you have to figure what is true for yourself. LOL)

The first thing Iyanla did was ask them to pick personas, descriptions written on placards, they believe represent who they are in their professional lives and corresponding wigs. Shyneka picked “The Power Broker,” Christal picked “The Boss Lady,” Traci picked “The Boss Lady” and Erin picked “The Media Mogul.”

She also asked them why they were there. Shyneka said, “I’m tired of making the same mistakes over and over again…The reason I’m here is because I’m tired of being used. I’m lost at what it is I’m doing wrong.” Erin said, “I want to take accountability for my actions, but I’m not sure what to do.” Christal said, “I fail at relationships…I failed at relationships so I stopped.” Traci said, “I’ve never been in a healthy relationship.”

Iyanla then held up cards with words on them that may be used to describe them including “b&!ch,” “diva,” “demanding, “man eater.” She explained to them these kind of descriptions make it difficult to be in relationships, even with themselves. After arranging them in age order to demonstrate how black women should be modeling professionally and personally for those who come after us, Iyanla explained that she is not “is not my sister’s keeper. I am my sister.”

Each of them shared about previous relationships that impact who they are today. Shyneka’s parents were married when they moved to Georgia to pursue their dreams, and when their dreams started to be realized, their relationship fell apart. Iyanla noted that Shyneka likely came away from that experience believing to be powerful in the world means your relationship will fall apart. Additionally, she just came out of a seven-year relationship that didn’t result in marriage although they got engaged after their first year together. Additionally, she was responsible for his child although she doesn’t want children. And she suffered through an ectopic pregnancy as well. Later on in the show, she shared that she had been sexually abused. Iyanla referred to her as a “power broker that gets taken advantage of.”

Christal told Iyanla that she was divorced following an 11-year-marriage that dissolved after she became ill with ovarian cancer and her ex-husband lost his job. Following the divorce, she put everything into her children and career. She shared that her father was absent for much of her childhood. She saw him when she was 12 years old after not having seen him since she was four. Prior to seeing him as a preteen, she worked on her skin and made straight A’s to be on honor roll to earn his affection. But her efforts weren’t enough to keep him in her life.

Traci, who shares my Jamaican heritage, unfortunately has no relationship with her Jamaican mother. Iyanla noted that Caribbean people are known for not showing emotion which is true. Caribbean people, while we are known for our celebratory music such as reggae, are stoic when it comes to showing sadness. She explained that her mother’s husband just left one day, and his absence was never truly explained to her. In Traci’s last relationship, she lived with a man for two years and kicked him out when he cheated on her with a stripper. She also told Iyanla doesn’t mind fighting physically and otherwise although inside she’s a “scared little girl.” According to her, her mother brought in various men into the household and that she wasn’t protected. As a result, she’s been “fighting ever since.”

Erin said she’s never seen her mother, who had her at 15 years old, in a relationship. Additionally, they are estranged at the moment. Erin met her last boyfriend on Instagram. They were together for almost two years, but the relationship was unstable as he didn’t hesitate to kick her out of his apartment. And she would move back in with him when he changed his mind.

Iyanla took them through various exercises including having a tea party, wearing boxing gloves and more in which they explored how their past personal lives impact their current personal lives. She said the four women are actually the same woman with “different manifestations of the same issue.” She explained that in order for their romantic lives to be different, they have to be different because they are broken women with broken hearts who actually don’t know how to be women. “We know how to be men in skirts.” She told them they attracted men “who followed their light.” “If you are barely lit and dimly glowing at the time you brought him home, don’t get upset with him. Up your wattage.”

At the conclusion of the episode, Iyanla held a retirement party for their previous personas and gave them different personas that she feels describes who they should be going forward. “The Healer” was given to Christal, who was the oldest in the group. Traci, the next oldest, was given “The Warrior.” Shyneka was given “The Mentor” while Erin was given “The Princess.” Since the episode, Christal is now in a “healthy and happy relationship” that is leading to wedding bells. In fact, she shared a couple of photos of her and her fiancé on her Facebook page, and they are to be married on October 4, 2021! Traci is focusing on her inner warrior and is not ready to date right now. Shyneka is in new relationship with an old friend.  And Erin admits she is still dating the wrong guys but is trying to manifest better men in her life.

Again, I applaud them for their honesty and vulnerability especially when you consider these poignant statements by Iyanla: “One of the things that I know as an Alpha woman because I’m an Alpha woman, I really am, but I’m in touch with the woman part, not just the Alpha part…Black women can be a lot of things, but we can’t be weak. We can be fat. We can be ashy. We can be broke. We can be a lot of things. But we cannot be weak. That’s our kryptonite. We’ve been taught that our feminine side, our soft side, our vulnerable side, our receptive side, our open side. We’ve been taught that that’s weakness.”

While I do believe there is a black male shortage in addition to socioeconomic issues that impact relationship prospects for black women, I also believe that we can take personal responsibility for inner issues that likely impact how we navigate relationships as well. And I find it gratifying that two of my Destination Wedding main characters Jarena, an entertainment publicist, and Mimi, a radio deejay, were similar to these women in how they had to unpack their inner issues in order to impact their personal lives. This episode “Taking Care of Business, Losing in Love” of Iyanla, Fix My Life lets me know that what I wrote can be helpful to women in similar situations…

Below is a snippet from the show: