Matchmaking Failures & Online Dating Adventures: ‘Born Again Virgin’ Season 1 Episode 5 Recap…

Hello World,

I’ve tried online dating before and had mixed results. Through eHarmony, I met a gentlemanly attorney who actually lived within miles of my home but we had never crossed paths. While it wasn’t a love connection and we have both since married, he was probably best candidate I met online. Another guy I met through the same website gave me the creeps from jump. We met for dinner, and then he wanted me to get in his car and ride clear cross town to some spot where we would play adult games like at Dave & Buster’s or Top Golf. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I politely declined, shut down the date and sped home.

So on last night’s episode of “Born Again Virgin,” Jenna laments her online dating experience, particularly as she is trying to do it (online dating) while not doing it (having sex). It seems that all of the men profess to want “love and happiness” when they really want s.e.x. While Jenna and Kelly are checking out a dating website, Tara breezes in and announces she has a date with an Atlanta Hawks baller. And apparently, it’s her second baller. Jenna asks, “How did you meet another baller?” To which Tara responds, “I exist.” When she bends over in a tiny black leather skirt in front of them, her roommates see that her assets probably have something to do with it.

So Jenna decides to take a different approach to dating since the online method is getting her nowhere. She asks her hunky neighbor, the delectable Donovan, to set her up with one of his friends because “hot men travel in packs.” It’s clear that Jenna and Donovan are attracted to one another, but she doesn’t think and Donovan tacitly agrees that he can date her and respect her “born again” boundaries. Still the both of them agree to set up with one another with an attractive friend, and Donovan even volunteers to host the double date dinner party at his home. And he even agrees to cook for the group as he is a “lawyer by trade but a chef at heart.” Could he be even more perfect? A man who loves to cook and can do it well is a rare gem..

Ever the exhibitionist, Tara decides to take it up a notch and announces to her friends that she will pose nearly nude for Black Sweat magazine particularly as other more famous exhibitionists like K. Michelle and Amber Rose have posed for the magazine. Kelly is horrified and sets out to convince her friend that the magazine cover will hurt rather than help her career, not to mention her reputation.

Jenna, on the other hand, chooses a chubby girlfriend from college who is “really nice” to set up with Donovan. Before Brooke arrives at Donovan’s place, Jenna taste tests the menu for the evening as Donovan feeds her. Cue soft music in the background with Donovan’s suggestive words that “food can be so sensual,” and its clear that the two don’t need anyone else for a hot date. And then Brooke arrives. And she is no longer fat. And she is extra curvy. And that is one advantage that formerly chubby women have over naturally slim women. And I can say that since I was once chubby. Naturally slim women tend to be just that: slim. But when a chubby woman loses weight, she still has curves. Jenna, who looks like one of those naturally slim girls, is noticeably annoyed as Donovan and Brooke seem to hit it off.

Meanwhile, Kelly and Tara go through the drive through of a fast food spot where Kelly knows that she knows the pretty cashier but cannot remember where she knows her from. When Kelly tells the cashier that she knows her from somewhere cannot remember exactly where, the cashier conveniently pulls out an issue of Black Sweat magazine as she was on the cover of the magazine in 2012. She is flattered that she has a “fan” in Kelly. She turns to Tara and says “One cover does not a Kim Kardashian make.” It’s obvious that Kelly set up the encounter, but Tara is still not deterred from her plan of being a cover girl.

At Donovan’s dinner party, Brooke is impressed with his use of demitasse cups for coffee and crème fraîche for a blueberry tart he has made. But Jenna pronounces him as “persnickety” and implies that he is gay. The evening gets worse when her date for the evening, Dejante arrives and addresses Jenna as “Shawty.” I actually like being referred to as “Shawty,” but that is another post for another day. Short and skinny and adorned in athletic gear complete with a baseball cap to the side, he simply does not compare to Donovan’s tall, dark and handsome which is exactly how Donovan wants it. Plus, he announces during dinner that he contracted two STDs from his previous ex-wives and is therefore celibate. When Brooke is not scared off by Jenna’s insinuations about Donovan, Jenna intentionally spills the blueberry tart on Brooke while making it look like an accident. After Brooke and Dejante leave, Donovan reveals that he was never really interested in Brooke but just went along with Jenna’s matchmaking experiment for her sake. He explains his lack of interest can be traced back to one thing: she is not Jenna. Awww…So obviously, they will be cooking up something other than food in future episodes…

When demonstrating what can happen to a career after posing nearly nude on a magazine cover doesn’t work, Kelly shows up at the actual magazine photo shoot. Tara is being treated like royalty including the photographer remembering her as a child star on a Mable’s Biscuit commercial. It is not until a long line of women wearing black bathing suits arrive as opposed to Tara’s white bathing suit made of “six pieces of string,” that she wonders what is the photographer’s vision for the shoot. In addition to the other women, she also discovers that mud will also be involved. Apparently, she will be atop a pile of muddy women. Even Tara realizes the concept is degrading and storms off with Kelly in tow.

So Jenna & Donovan are free to continue to explore their flirtation, Tara’s career and reputation are intact and Kelly helped….Remember that Shake N Bake commercial where the little girl says in a Southern drawl, “And I helped?”